Double Standards, Or Unfair Expectations?

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Dr. Replay

5:13

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I don't mean to continue to throw in the face of all y'all
The things you did or didn't do that brought about my fall
It's simply that after thirty years I now have the wherewithal
To assess the damage, provide you with my own appraisal

It's meant to open a discussion board, not to the validity of the claim
Itself, but the means by which to reestablish relational equality, that's the aim!
For myself, currently it seems to be seen as an accusation of guilt, a promise of vengeance
I know the Truth, ain't stupid, just want you to return my loyalty, my allegiance!

Why can't we hack the code, play to one another's strengths?
Pretend life's a video game, your handicaps complimented by my skills!
And vice versa, why must our ire ever reach such desperate lengths?
Life is Dark Souls on nightmare mode, might make it if we bridge our wills

I get it, feels like a double standard, some of the things I ask of you, to help me heal
But look at all the many positive things I've done for you the same, see just how I feel!
I try to explain my perspective from many points of view, but you don't see them as "real"
Despite the mountains of evidence I have and the inevitable turning of time's grand wheel!

Perhaps I could offer some explanations, contrary to my biggest opposition?
Given a false memory, I was held accountable for "lying" about my position
Despite being the one who revealed the Truth as soon as I learned the situation
Autism masking caused me to hide my vulnerable Self, defense mechanism's activation

And yet I was seen as "acting", as being the "boy who cried 'wolf'", the wolves here being you know who
When I would cut, to release the tension caused by my autism burnout or tantrums, do you remember who
Checked himself into the hospital nearly every single time, the rest as a result of doctor's orders, and I've had too
Many occurrences in which suicidal ideation brought on by meds led to these orders, that was my fault, too?

I get it, feels like a double standard, some of the things I ask of you, to help me heal
But look at all the many positive things I've done for you the same, see how I feel!
I try to explain my perspective from many points of view, but you don't seem to see them as "real"
Despite the mountains of evidence I have and the inevitable turning of time's wheel!

Some of y'all even reference my childhood as evidence to my own healthiness
When we all know that period was well before there was a serious dip in my wellness!
It may well have been a focal point, certainly not the epicenter, you stole my happiness
Sapped it away like a Spectravore, sentenced me to a life of pure, sweet learnt helplessness!

I never sought retribution, never pursued a case against you, never pressed charges!
Though I didn't deserve a single word said to me in your anger, the things left in the margin
The quiet, Dark things no-one talks about, things you ignore, knowing my trauma enlarges!
You're there, actively participating in or working to suppress the Truth of each resurgence!

I get it, feels like a double standard, oh
But the perceived double standard can be made well by compromise, the fruit of relationships
I want to slog through the muck and mire, grab your hand, so we both can get firm grips
On reality, then repair what we have, after which trust can be rebuilt, but words right out of your lips
Say, "The past is the past. Respect your elders. What the hell is wrong with you?" they give me the yips

When it comes to ever speaking to you about issues with substance again
All because you're too proud to admit your guilt of a many times proven sin!
Meet in the middle, each of you and I, find some way to fix this moment!

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