Silence

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ianAVIAN

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Everybody seems to be chasing the same thing
Big fortune and fame thing
That shit just ain't me
But maybe it wouldn't be so bad to see
My family
Finally living lavishly
In luxury instead of struggling
To find something to fucking eat
In this God damn house this week
How lousy of me
I should be out in the streets
To be
The call of the void is calling from the balcony
"How could he?"
They shout, loudly
As they find me outside of the house on Halloween
They cry and crowd around me, crouch down
Bow their heads and begin to pray to the God that forgot about me
"Now he's in a much better place, up in line at heavens gates"
"Wait, is it too late to resuscitate?"
"Try anyway!"
"What's the worst that could happen? We can't hurt him."
The last words, were unheard
The birds will sing in mourning
Early morning it's pouring down rain
I awake at the sound of the thunder
Calling my name through my window
"How'd this get open? Michigan's too cold in October"
I close it
Go into the kitchen
Shit's different
Everyone's staring off in the distance
I'm trying to talk to them, they won't listen
Then I notice their skin glisten as the light hits them
The sky clears, they wipe their tears
As I watch myself blow them all kisses
Before I dissolve into the luminescence
Finding peace as pieces of me seize to exist
I see this is it
I see the leaves on the trees fall and lose their vibrance
The sky went from bright blue to all white
I'm frightened, trying to find some sort of guidance
My consequence is slowly subsiding
There's no hiding from what I've decided
I might as well lay here
It's getting dark
I close my eyes and I start to think about my life
And the view from halfway down
The sounds fade away, now its quiet
As I become one with the silence

I awake in a cold sweat
I'm panic stricken
In a room, pitch black
A single flame the candle flickers
Cataclysmic hallucinations
I've had it with my imagination
And places my mind can take me
My heart is racing
It's like static from this damn AM radio station
In place of the happy tunes that it used to play
Who's to blame for the pain chasing me to the darkness?
The ink bleeds in my art, this poetry's a catharsis
I fought too hard to keep my thoughts at ease
I taught myself to breathe
But as I sleep my apnea's acting up
Is he after me?
Is he the shadow that's attached to me?
Attacking me for years of blasphemy?
How can it be?
Damn these dreams for having me questioning my beliefs
And testing me for deceit
I got a list of regrets, as long as CVS receipts
Trying to clean up my mess before I'm resting in peace
I'm up to my neck in stress, I might be next to decease
But I'm definitely blessed to see another day
It's destiny
What's next for me?
Is this the end of perpetual emptiness?
I'm constantly reminiscent of every single memory
I wish I could go back but the past was never a friend to me
Desperately in need of a remedy made for cleansing me
Mentally, spiritually
Clearing me of these entities
I'm finally accepting the present time as a gift
Cause the future is uncertain
So now I'm searching for bliss
Wondering if a person like me could ever be fixed
I'm broken and holding on to the tattoo that's on my wrist
A reminder to keep on writing my story
And do not rush the ending
A reminder that what's torn up inside
Can aways be mended
All this constant complaining, in vain
Isn't saving any of us from pain
It's one shot to the brain
I play these images back again in my mind
Violent, trying to keep me flying
High enough to hide me from the

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