Kinross

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Making Eyes

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I want to find a safe place to put all the love I have,
I want to of found it in you,
Kinross,
I've got you.
Off the mark,
Visions I had at a time, they went so dark.
Refuse to change though,
How I see the stars,
A beaming smile reflecting.
The critical attention I take to string along the small red thread I believe in so hard.
As my temperament bled,
Slowly as watching cold nights take the summer sun.
You never left my mind,
It's just different now.
I'm used to it, carrying a shadowed past around.
So composed, blissfully deaf to what can only be described as white noise,
But louder.
Months of flowing backwards, navigating so hard to change that, to re begin.
I know I will, but it feels so wrong sometimes.
I'm not bitter now,
It's too far gone.
But then glimpses flash before my eyes, of what it used to be like,
Effortless in presence,
Pulled by the blinds wide open again.
Just like a scar,
Like the simultaneous calm and chaos that we are,
Inner half smiles, captured by a look that only you know.
Kinross,
Take me home.
Just taking a moment now to sit still,
Rethinking over the decision I made to hang in.
Bright pink moon on the shoreline,
Sweet smell of you enriched in my possession.
A beautiful soul really, I know you are.
Despite flaws I grew to know we all hold,
But differences in decision, precision.
Good ones.
For so long unsteady,
Now content to a point, I feel more ready, upright.
Changed focus.
Channel this motion into growth, watering with care.
I hold all hands now to tell me it's okay,
But still yours means the most,
Right until the dawn end,
Clasped by the tightest fit.
Ready in motion,
Nothing else is easier, It's too loud.
Mist imposing, it's fogging again, it's creeping in.
Smoke drenched clothes at night to remind me in the morning.
That I never wanted the night to end.
Time always speeding past
Confliction of nothing but so much left to say.
As faces age, new loves , I'm now okay
I'm doing the same.
But blowing hidden wishes into the dark sky of thoughts of simple love again,
One day.
Caught once more gasping for air,
Never seems to pass,
Heavy feelings now or is it just a damaged heart.
Simple life take the happiest now
Conflicting with my mind of always being on the move.
Uncountable hours spent on trains to make this life,
Backwards forwards
seems the same,
The rails in my brain are different from the rails that I travel on every single day.
I want the most, stunted occasionally by my own growth.
You showed me that,
It's all so beautiful,
Behold of you now achievable.
Now only consent and deep breaths,
I'll turn down that last cigarette.
Got the sparkle in my eyes back
Glistening with what's to come next,
At the crossroads of life choices but finally looking forwards and not back.
Taking curiosity in joy in confusion, power in confusion, bliss in confusion, love in confusion
Occasionally stuck unable to move, fixated on you.
It's almost unfair how much I love making eyes at you.
For everything that is lovely is a brief moment,
I accept that , I like that.
I've learnt to give a heart is a selfless act,
Delicate and light
Feathering and in flight.
Taking actions now to dreams, what's the use of them as unachievable
I know they can be.
Lips touched since, knowing the costs of vulnerability
Still will though.
Falls hard again onto the concrete floor of some men,
But let's get to know each other once again,
Another noise to never leave my head,
Swimming thoughts of self sabotage until my last breath.
Does it change, the thoughts I get of shame.
Allowing another heart to disarm mine potentially to pain,
I refuse to change myself,
But will I grow with you.
I hope you find a safe place to put all of your love to.
I hope you find a safe place to put all of your love to.

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