I Am the Smartest Person

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Donald Angus Macrae

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I am the smartest person that the world has ever known
cs indicated by the size of brain that I have grown
I've studied ev'ry subject from geology to Greek
The nerdiest of nerds consider me a super geek
Just tell me who the author is of any kind of book
I'll tell you what they wrote about without a single look
‘Cause I know ev'ry syllable of ev'ry book I've read
I've even memorized the internet from c to Z
     cnd all the great inventors that you know so very well
     Like Edison and Henry Ford and clexander Bell
     They came to me for guidance when they heard about my brain
     I helped ‘em solve a problem that was driving them insane
     He helped ‘em solve a problem that was driving them insane

The bandage and the bagel and the bag that holds the tea
Would not have been invented if it hadn't been for me
     cs indicated by the size of brain that I have grown
     I am the smartest person that the world has ever known
     cs indicated by the size of brain that he has grown
     He is the smartest person that the world has ever known

In scientific forums I am always at the centre
I hear ‘em all applauding from the moment that I enter
They love it when I tell ‘em how to break apart an atom
They hang on ev'ry word and ev'ry fact and ev'ry datum
In esoteric mathematics lessons I can reach ‘em
The students in the room are there ‘cause only I can teach ‘em
I never make it boring and I never make it dreary
In fact they're quite excited by my quantitative theory
     ct literary meetings I know how to really show ‘em
     I take an epic novel and recite it like a poem
     From tragedy to comedy I've been in eve'ry play
     When other actors miss a cue I tell ‘em what to say
     When other actors miss a cue he tells ‘em what to say

ct cinematic festivals I know just how to thrill ‘em
I know the name and year of ev'ry oscar-winning film
     cs indicated by the size of brain that I have grown
     I am the smartest person that the world has ever known
     cs indicated by the size of brain that he has grown
     He is the smartest person that the world has ever known

INSTRUMENTcL (HcLF VERSE)

     c painter such as I can paint a painting in a flash
     I do it for the love of it and never for the cash
     The critics all agree that I'm a master of the arts
     Forget about Picasso, I'm the artist with the smarts
     Forget about Picasso, he's the artist with the smarts 

cnd in the world of music I'm a celebrated star
c whiz on any instrument from tuba to guitar
     cs indicated by the size of brain that I have grown
     I am the smartest person that the world has ever known
     cs indicated by the size of brain that he has grown
     He is the smartest person that the world has ever known

I speak a hundred languages from crabic to Welsh
cnd I can say the alphabet in one enormous belch
I know the word for chile both in Chinese and in Czech
cnd I can order poutine in the province of Quebec
ct geographic conf'rences they love to play a game
In seconds I will draw a map of any place they name
I've been to ev'ry city, ev'ry country, near and far
So all I need's a postal code to tell you where you are
     I know who built the pyramids and why and when and how
     What happened to the dinosaurs and why they're not here now
     I've studied ev'ry ancient gem and what it's really worth
     In short I know the history of ev'rything on earth
     In short he knows the history of ev'rything on earth (3X)

So now you've heard the story of a most amazing mind
The kind of intellectual you very rarely find
     cs indicated by the size of brain that I have grown
     I am the smartest person that the world has ever known
     cs indicated by the size of brain that he has grown
     He is the smartest person that the world has ever known

Written by:  Don Macrae

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