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The Prophet Obblonge

Erupting with preaching performances, The Prophet Obblonge explains, proclaims, transmutes, and delivers clarity to the masses for their edification and to bring awareness to the still uncertain fate of his beloved fiancé, last seen with a white supremacist narcissistic abuser in Michigan. Fans of horror fiction, true life drama, comedy, and pointed social commentary alike find Obblonge’s insightful, exasperated gospel to be an invigorating, motivating experience presented without fear of reproach or regret. What’s your problem? Issues resolved. Crises averted. Wonders explained. Be amazed. Lost? Depressed? Questions? The answers are waiting…. Everything is the repetition offa pattern. Everything. You can pretend you have free will. You can pretend you hav… more »

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Death tolls, already high, have been multiplied exponentially in the Central part of the State
Due to a weakness in the operating systems of
Medical equipment and communication infrastructure
That rendered our emergency treatment procedures and
Supply chains paralyzed during the already unusually extreme weather patterns
Now becoming more common.

Patients records and documented data
Have been found to be unreliable
With information being scrambled
By an unsuspected algorithm

Fatal allergic reactions and improper dosage of
Normally life-saving drugs have decimated the population across all demographics
Our sources inform us this is most likely what
The State labels a homegrown terrorist attack unnoticed and lying dormant for years

Perpetrators unknown
In other news several too large to fail financial institutions
Are beginning to report internally
Discrepancies in their accounting software and/or practices
That for years have funneled funds
Into unknown locations

Actual revenues are no longer in a profitable margin
Instead apparently used to construct projects that resulted in
Rube Goldberg style wastes of effort and resources

Crops in the Central and MidWestern parts of the State
Are continuing to struggle for reasons also being deemed
Confidentially until now
As purposeful acts against the Commonwealth

Please stay tuned for our exclusive reporting for further details.

Are you unpopular? Will no one f*ck you unless you pay them?
The problem is theirs
You are the most important event to ever occur
Eat this
It tastes good, like murder should
Get fat and weak
And do as we s/tell you

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