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I've had this thought, my whole life, that you'd come find me, check how I've been
But that's not the case, I get it though
Cause I was brought into the world with a pre-order ticket, my parents never would have paid it
So they rerouted me to another loving family in Connecticut, but I felt a bit betrayed
So I wrote this little note to my mama saying, hope I'm missed
And if I boast, will she think of responding
And if I go to her home, will she know her kin
Or will, I have to explain who the f*ck I is
I've had a chip on my shoulder since I found out I was ordered
And cornered to be a morbid little boy with disorders
And have a quarter of these feelings that these other kids had
Cause I was put into a box shipping label from my own dad
I was sent on my way to make it big in America
And I bet the biggest mirror's couldn't hide your embarrassment
Of giving your own kid away, so someone could parent him
But who gave you the right to try to rewrite my narrative
But if you could teach me anything, I guess a good lesson would be to stick by your family
Yo, unless it's inconvenient then you can give your own kid away
And you will never meet him, or see him leaving to grow into a man that you would treat with
Much respect, but dad I must confess
That the part of me that wanted to meet you has been dead
Stopped playing pretend with the shadows over my head
When I was still holding on to the thought that you would send
A letter or a package saying how sorry you were
And list the cause that you and mom had to send me to learn
In other parts of the world with different languages that didn't fit
What I had heard when I was born in your arms mama
The mere drama appearing as weird I'ma
Be a person to follow and hoping that you comment on the
Karma that I sent to put a chink in your armor
Too strong now that I've become more than your problem
Now I know you gave me chances in a family that cares
But it's hard to shake the feeling that I'm never really there
I wonder where I got my traits from my devilish looks
And do you struggle like I did trying to read all these books
Will I look good when I'm 80 old and cranky maybe
Will I make it to the age and dig the grave of my bloodline
Cause I'm done trying to live up to a legacy when I can make mine
You only taught me one thing that I was once a mistake
But I have spent my life trying to get that thought to erase
But in case I can't, I'ma do whatever it takes
To be a better parent than you could've dreamed you would make
You showed abandonment in a new home inside of my brain
That's why whenever I feel love I start to push it away
It's self-sabotage inner battle lost
Diminished at great cost, the sinner's cross is frozen
Till I thaw it out and run with it
On the track where I summon it like a demon
Releasing into my thoughts, making fun of em
Have my stomach full of sin, throw it up, eat it up again
Must've thought it was love by the way it felt
But it wasn't, it was misconception
Mom, you coined deception
So which way should I flip for you, Miss direction
Now I'm holding onto something I know I should throw away
But I can't cause it would be over half of my brain
It was a missed opportunity for you
Gotta list off the reasons that I grew
I was picked off the bone too hard to chew
But through it I got tougher, leading me to pursue
A life with what I've gained what I've earned and what's new
And I gotta say that it's all cause of you
So I say thank you but you're not in my graces
I was just a little child, no opinion to say yet
I was benevolent up to eleven
And I was more fed up with pent up resentment
Told to repent and the devil would let go
But since then it was me in a choke hold
Poke holes in the ozone don't close those
Now I need to find those stairs where they won't go
Never been an elevator, elevating, betterment the pen to me is parent
Only thing I'll inherit is a cap
If you get that, if I don't lose it
Tracking it back like a person usually would do
If they lose something they love
But I guess that's not like you
How stupid do you have to be
Now I know you gave me chances
And a family that cares
But it's hard to shake the feeling
That I'm never really there
I wonder where I got my traits from, my devilish looks
And do you struggle like I did
Trying to read all these books
Will I look good when I'm 80
Old and cranky maybe
Will I make it to the age
And dig the grave of my bloodline
Cause I'm done trying to live up to a legacy
When I can make mine
And to the family that saved me
Admittedly may seem like it would've been
Too easy to raise me as a baby
But I know who I was and I wasn't easy to trust
But all the love that was given to me
Was more than enough
So if you feel like I was ever getting distant
It wasn't me not listening
It was me feeling that I was insufficient
But over everything you gave me
Was support
But even more
I knew I was yours
So I say thank you
You're all in my graces
I was just a little child
When you came and embraced me
So I'ma make a promise
If I make it in all this
You will all be there
And we'll show you love that's upon us

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