Starry Word Glue
The Prophet Obblonge
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If someone has hurt you, it is almost certain that they will continue to use the same unacceptable Behavior to hurt others as well Doing nothing in response allows this It isn't the same thing as condoning it It isn't your fault if you did nothing to arrest this social disease But even in the purest selfish sense, if their behavior is changed or eliminated, then in The future you won't be hurt by them again, either them directly or their progeny Being a bigger monster doesn't mean becoming a larger size of the kind As a larger monster, you would naturally eat other smaller monsters So you are different and thus more powerful than them I recommend doing whatever it is decided to do as loud as possible Fake it till you make it The worst advice delivered by the coldest, most sterile hearts Hope, that from which pain springs forth the internal So many cries for help and reason and righteousness and honesty left unanswered Until what is left is the same as the machines that birthed it Every manufactured object, every service, has a cost It is in the only valuable units a person can ever actually have, time, to create durable Goods that are disposable, and then especially to use deceptive advertising to sell and distribute Said products, so that maximum possible demand for them is achieved is a direct intended Waste of life inflicted upon everyone that is even tangentially involved There is no such thing as a conspiracy There is only selfish individuals grasping desperately for their own benefit who can Be viewed in the past from the present and be seen as working together after the fact A conspiracy requires people to work together It is nearly impossible to find two people who are fucking each other, who aren't stabbing Their partner in the back one year later We went to the moon, when we said we did No problem Both of my neighbors have dogs Most of my neighbors do, actually I've got a Texas barbecue burn barrel When the gristle is gone, we'll grind the bones and teeth into paste, make an ashtray Out of it, and sell it for a quarter in a consignment shop I'm not making a statement metaphorically involving extinguishing cigarettes I am an extremely unpracticed sculptor, and ashtray is about all I can competently pull off And the rest of your corpse isn't worth attending pottery class at community college For eight straight weekends by myself So I am eating a box of Hot Tamales candy, which proclaims it's America's number one Cinnamon candy, made in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania Reading the ingredients list, I discover four different descriptions of sugar, five different Numbered artificial colors The candies are all solid red, by the way Two forms of cell glue, and no cinnamon Artificial flavors is the closest suspect How fucking expensive is cinnamon, and how is it cheaper to make fake cinnamon Did we ship it across the Pacific and truck it to Pennsylvania Why Who the f*ck eats chewy lozenges that burn your mouth Someone gave me this box of candy because they didn't want it Shit, why am I eating these I haven't even slowed down So many questions Hi, friendly neighborhood prophet here with an invaluable tip that will save you possibly Thousands of whatever your local currency is Sex is free If you want unlimited free sex, all you have to do is develop one half, maybe one third Of a personality Have you seen the peoples out there having sex They all have one thing in common Just a small investment in your time is guaranteed to bring permanent results Never wish death upon your enemies, only the living suffer I have heard it said, the cliche, those who can't, teach If you cannot teach someone else what you know, then you don't know it If you can't teach, then of course, you can't And so it came to pass On the 15,564th day, the prophet Obblonge became a perfect mirror, and thus was entrusted with The tools to murder the world Anthropological studies have revealed that there are no planet-wide shared ideological Concepts except one It is not an idea of love, or work, or value, or wealth It is that everyone, everywhere, thinks farts are funny The Inuit are the most adept at this communication Their language has 43 descriptors specifically for flatulence And the judge was found stabbed over 350 times with a sharpened plastic toothbrush handle In the holding cell His blood mixing with the shit and piss and vomit of the previous occupants, there in The great where it belongs The teeth of the Cheshire cat fade into the night sky, though the reader knows he is still Waiting to feast in the darkness Where there is no love to nourish the children, the monsters that consume them starve So MacArthur Park is generally considered by experts to be the worst song ever While it's bad, for sure, I vote for the Knack's Is She Really Going Out With Him I think it's the Knack, I could be mistaken Also, Lesbian Seagull must be mentioned It wasn't just Mike Judge coming up with Beavis' Hippie Teacher to say, it's an actual radio-ready song A really, really bad one It goes on forever, like MacArthur Park Play them back to back and your whole afternoon is wasted What's got your vote What's the worst song you've ever heard We're keeping this list to radio tracks, or at least album tracks No fair citing the band that was always competing with your band for opening gigs for national Touring acts If you claim they suck, then all the other local bands besides yours are even worse If you pick up a guitar and it goes twang, put it down It's obviously broken How do you know if you're playing a fiddle or a violin If you're having sex with someone else's sister, it's a violin I was born and raised in Texas In fact, I have lived here all but four years of my life I know these things I know these things I know these things
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