VISION OF GOD

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Nimz

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Blessed is she who believes without seeing
I have seen and that is a mercy
Scales off my eyes outside of my own doing
I look and I see
A woman bleeding
She's been bleeding for way too long
So now she carries blood and shame and  has to be so tired
And there's a man walking
There's a lot of people around Him
She reaches for him stretching her hand that knows well the blood she's lost
For years
Her mind
Or maybe her soul
Or maybe all of her bones
Tell her that if she only touches Him
Even if it's not a full embrace
Even if He doesn't see her
If she touches Him
An inch of His clothing
She might know healing and wholeness
And so she touches him

And He asks my favourite question in all of scripture
Who touched me? Who touched me?
Not because He doesn't know
But because He cares for her visibility
He says
I know somebody touched me
Afraid and unsure she steps forward
And He blesses Her faith, blood dried up
She knows relief and this man knows Her

Blessed is she who believes without seeing
I have seen and that is a mercy
I look and see a 12 year old girl, me
I see her loving that man
With her whole heart
So easy to love
Mostly because He  loved first
I see Her
Unaware of the waves ahead
The midnights
The 522
And stone cold-ness
I see her
Declaring
With all of her
Until her song starts to be
Prone to wander Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
And she reaches out to touch Him
Ten years later
And He asks my favourite question in all of scripture
Who touched me?
I know somebody touched me

Lord, it is I
I want to  feel the blood of your wounded side
Look you in the eye
Hold your punctured palms in mine
Lord
What if I walk away?
Lord
Indifference is more palatable than the taste of my faith
Lord
I want to see you
Let the cloak that is your truth touch my imagination
What do you look like?
So He lifts up my chin
And
I  look into the face of God,

And see the tears of Christ
His smile, I picture the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes
The callousness of His hands
I search for his palms and see that he holds grief and hope
acquainted with both of those
I listen for His voice
And He says
It's okay to lament
And He promises to put a praise on my lips
I find His feet and there's a seat by them for me
But then He sits with me
Makes Himself so small for me
And yet is bigger than I've made him to be
More nuanced than the frames that I've stuck him in
He turns power's manifestation on it's head
And flips tables on the basis of His righteousness
The embodiment of holiness
Got angry, and rightly
God with me is a convincing apologetic
I will believe in a God who is with us
In the trenches and highest of places
Incarnate
And Restorative
God who gathers to Himself all things
Maker of all things
Renewing all things

Oli ruhangowa bantu (you are a God of the people)
You come to us particular
Jewish messiah
Brown skinned and regular
Meeting us in our customs and contexts
You are in the continual working of affirming dignity
And we can trust Your sense of justice
Your ache for the broken
Your distaste for the wicked
You are a God who wrestles with us and wins
You omnipotent one
You wrap Your power in love
You are good
You are true
You are holy
And most of the time I'm too nearsighted to see
Or too bitter to believe
You are  vast
Oh so vast and here I am
Give me
Give us
A holy sense of smallness
And strength in all of our weakness
Help us,

See you as you are-

You are so beautiful

So very beautiful

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