In Memory

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Nova Rae

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So many things I regret
Can't look back, can't take back what I said
But it plays all damn night in my head
If I get this weight off my shoulders, will I forget
What you deserved, you were the first
To give me love, nonjudgmental, unrehearsed
Genuine, real, reliable, raw love, my friend
If I could, I'd let this track play on loop for days on end
So many things I gotta say
And words flow out like a river
Cause there's a flood going on in my brain
I let the fear take hold of me
Fear of how good this connection could be so I put up walls
and told myself it was fair
But you couldn't see past the bricks that were there
Your transparency made me feel free
Made me believe I could do the same thing
I went and bought tools to knock it all down
All my past, all my doubts
But then
But then, our time ran out and
So many things I regret
Can't look back, can't take back what I said
But it plays all damn night in my head
If I get this weight off my shoulders, will I forget
What you deserved, you were the first
To give me love, nonjudgmental, unrehearsed
Genuine, real, reliable, raw love, my friend
Vivid scenes of pulling up to your house
Watching TV on your couch
You took the time to make me food
We ate together and laughed loud
Like it was noon, but it was 1am
Today I'm retracing steps, been so caught up in my mental
You were so good at good thoughts, I've been so damn existential
Cause one day life can give lemons, the next day it disassembles
How do we pick up the pieces of grief that leave us unsettled
Toss and turn
I'm trying to learn
The clock ticks, the mind yearns
The bridges that burn
The fact that we don't have no say in who lives long on this earth
The fact that we can't pay no price to change the tables that turn
The idea that words we speak could be the last things we say
Taking for granted the light that peeked through my window today
But things have changed
I ain't the same
I see it now, wouldn't go back
Even if I figured out how
There may be some things I regret
Pain aches like a hard hit to the chest
Your love lives rent free in my head
As time passes I won't ever forget
What people deserve
Because of you
I'll give only love
Non-judgmental, unrehearsed
Genuine, real, reliable, raw love, my friend

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