Letters To Santa

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Fake Zappa

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Dear Santa,

I've been a pretty good little boy
I don't throw balls through windows, and I don't chase girls
I try to make people smile, but I don't always clean up my messes when I'm supposed to
I hope I've been good enough this year

This is what I want for Christmas
A Mr. Potato Head, a Big Wheel, Disco Beethoven, and if possible that Disco Star Wars record too
The Snoopy Snow Cone Machine, Superman Underoos,
Yogi Bear Shrinky Dinks, if they have those and anything from Battlestar Galactica or The Hulk
Thank you and have a Merry Christmas

Dear Santa,

First off, I know it's been a really long time since I have written, so I hope you find it in your heart to respond
Although, I haven't been a very good boy over the years
I haven't paid a lot of taxes, I cuss too much, and I rarely drive under the speed limit
I don't bathe regularly or floss my teeth like I should
But I don't throw balls through windows, and I still don't chase girls

I do find myself trying to clean up after other people's messes, and still trying to make people smile
But it's not as easy as the last time I wrote you

For Christmas this year, I really can't think of any particular stuff that I want
I've got a vehicle and a house that functions pretty well, and more than enough things to keep me occupied

What I really want is a society that functions well enough for me to want to live in
Many of our leaders are too senile to work
And those who have to labor can't seem to afford the price of food, rent, transportation, and a decent doctor

Although the healthcare system doesn't seem to kill a lot of people these days
For the most part, they want sick people to suffer and barely stay alive
While being hooked on their dangerous and mind-altering drugs
And really only offering help if we've nearly cut ourselves to death

In addition to that, we are punished for our suffering, limiting our rights and our privileges
Whether we actually have any street drugs in our bodies, we are so quickly labeled as a druggie, and thus a criminal
The left wing has gone crazy, and the right wing seems to be more nutty than ever

I'm scared because people who don't know me are scared of me
Because they're scared they don't seem to want to get to know me
Authorities protecting our streets and our borders are so trigger happy that they seem to enjoy
Filling lonesome and underprivileged folks with enough bullets to kill a large group of people

Although we think we have freedom of expression, we are so often afraid to display a rainbow flag or even more so
A rebel flag because of those in power making our lives miserable with labels like communist or fascist

Censorship and witch hunts are polarizing us to the brink of turning on our neighbors
While the elderly and disabled cannot even get a ride home from the emergency room
The mentally ill are not getting care, but the rich and high functioning are the ones getting therapy
While the vulnerable are further traumatized until they can't function anymore

When they lose their ability to cope in an abusive civilization
They are captured into the sanatoriums of today known as the prison system
Living a life of either slave labor or just being tortured by solitude or authorities or other inmates

I'd ask for some help with my messed up truck and my messed up house, but those are pretty manageable
It's my nation I can't seem to do anything about no matter how much I do
I kept getting hurt as a result and things keep getting worse
But if all you can do is give stuff away, I suppose I can ask for a few cases of tequila and a razor blade

Thank you and have a Merry Christmas
Yours reluctantly, Fake Zappa
And P.S.
Let's just say I want the razor blade to open up those boxes

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