Leaving London, Pt. 2

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turnermeant

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The f*ck do I do now
You have no idea but I've given so much to you
It's true I thought eventually it would be enough
But this blew my mind
I just figured I didn't once think about anything
Not extensively
I said stop nah we ain't done
Then off I went I've been
Ever since I said that really, running
Now me I'm lost
That's weird, I've barely moved
I'm exactly, well like twenty two feet
From where I'd have me if I could ever choose
I think it's actually me I've lost
But I don't know where, no clue
No way I'll track him
So I may never say I've found him
Or find out where he ended up
But I swear he would think the exact same thing as I think
I don't regret it
Would not if I could go back five years think twice
Just go again no looking for a way out
But I would though try things a little differently
Otherwise that would be well quite literally insane wouldn't it
I can think of times that I was pushing that boundary
It might've been at times blurred
Crossed even
F*ck if I know
If I'm honest I don't care
They can look at me whatever way they wanna
I hope you do not see that
But it's probably not realistic to think you'd just see the old me
Unless we're talking the one who I culled
Who had his throat slit now in a box he's spent
Lets say a while
Two giant holes
A line of sight across his head if you're lying by him
I know, trust me
And if he were alive
He'd probably've said

Everything I asked for
I wish I would've known
I didn't want it
I probably should've figured that
I sold everything I once saw as valuable
Now I'm no richer than I once was
I'm poor because now I own

Everything I asked for
I wish I would've known
I didn't want it
I probably should've figured that
I sold everything I once saw as valuable
Now I'm no richer than I once was
I'm poor because now I own
Everything I asked for
I wish I would've known

The f*ck do I do now
You have no idea but I've given so much to you
I viewed failure as no option
Yes I viewed fail... Leia as no option
Yet in a few hours
More than a few thousand miles I'm flying from here
And I should say that that's mission failed
But I just ain't done that moon up there
You must see it
I'm, look, taking that
So the view I have
I can replicate the shit and take me to right now where I'm stood
The place I've sat I wouldn't even wanna make that guess
Lets say a few times
But I could make it look like here across the whole of Australia
With a little moonlight and imagination
Now London it's goodbye
But I'm taking ya
Clock's ticking
How long I've got this I'm not sure
Shy of three minutes
Ah well f*ck then I better get this going
Before times up and I'm evicted
Kicked then thrown to the wayside
So to you I say I'm sorry for all of this
Really, all of it
If you could believe that
You'd probably be right to doubt because truth is
I would still do it if you fucking did die as an outcome
I do mean no offence
Just showing that music, well it's life to me
That might've been our downfall
At least played a part
I think it may be more significant than I had anticipated the day that I
Picked this pen up
I was addicted then and still am
I can't shake the shit no and I've tried
Whatever the f*ck it's affixed with has not one fracture
Some scratch marks, no
Not a fucking scuff that's for sure
But sure as f*ck
That hurts the more I think about it
I gave up all I ever hadn't
And have not one thing to show for it but a couple songs
Not much more than one hundred streams each
Seems it was all for nothing
F*ck that's not how I once saw it
I was so fucking wrong
But I think shit actually makes sense now
I can't fathom nor accept failure and or defeat
'Cos I killed me for it
Gave everything I had, kept nothing
He'd be so fucking sad if he saw me
He'd think this about you probably
And believe this

I lost faith in you I'm sorry
What a fucking mistake that proved to be
A warning, or fourteen you gave
That truly haunts me
You saw it before it played out
Nowadays I rewind
But each time I press play doubt I've fucking changed much
Usual story
And I hate that

I lost faith in you I'm sorry
What a fucking mistake that proved to be
A warning, or fourteen you gave
That truly haunts me
You saw it before it played out
Nowadays I rewind
But each time I press play doubt I've fucking changed much
Usual story
And I hate that I lost faith in you
I'm sorry

The f*ck do I do now
Throw up maybe
What I just said's not sitting to well
A couple knots they've been tied up in my stomach
That wasn't quite what I just figured would've spilled out of me
But now I need one minute
When I'm good, tell
Go
Let me just say this
That, I admit probably did become my main push, my motivation
But it's not like that's the only thing that fuelled this
Every promise I shattered I wanted to fix
Every sorry was actually honest
I'd have moved six mountains just to fucking prove that
All I wanted was to make amends
Like a prayer almost
With my ex although she may be dead
And I've spent all those years waiting for what I called an angel
To appear but I think lord knows she exists no longer
And I wasted them
Like I did our relationship when I left
It's so fucking clear now
I did fail, not tonight no that was 2018
And everything ever since
A difference, it doesn't make one
I wish it did
Life, I wish I could bring you back to that
Even if it's just two hours tonight then goodbye again
I'd get at least one shot at redemption
One sorry, forgiveness I'm after, nothing more
Get my fucking regrets fixed
Then let you walk up that staircase
Do nothing but watch
Yes that would be funny some other time
But that I don't have enough of
I just looked
There's maybe six seconds
F*ck
You must know I am unspeakably sorry
So what good would that've made

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