The Christmas Cookie Bandit

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LZ

3:20

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It twas the night before christmas
A cold christmas eve
Down in the basement
Making some beats
Nothing was stirring
Even the puppies asleep
And I was in the zone
Cooking up some heat
Home alone on the TV with the volume on zero
We just finished elf, Buddy is my hero
It's getting late and the holidays are here
So I better go to sleep, turn off the TV, that's when I hear something

What could that be? I need to check it out
I sprint up the stairs, I'm already on edge A silent night, gon' get loud if I need to throw fists
If this is a prank then it's a naughty list Trick
I don't care if it's Dasher or Dancer
There's gonna be blitzing I cut through the kitchen

That's where the footsteps stop
But it's empty
There's no one in there at all
At this point
My whole strategy's stalled
My wife is 8 months pregnant
I doubt she got up for a walk
I pressed against the wall

Now there's no noises at all
Was it all in my imagination
Or was it more involved? The little drummer boy
Had my heart beating so hard You could almost hear the thump
Like someone's decking the halls

That's when I got a shadow flicker

At the other end of the room Some burly figure
Hunched over a plate Looking like he was licking his fingers
At this point I felt my whole body shiver

I jumped out of my hiding
Threw on the lighting Looks like we're gonna be rocking
Around the Christmas tree tonight And I was ready to fight
Get Jingle Bell rocked That's when I had to pause and shock
There in front of me Caught red and white handed
Was the jolly old Christmas cookie bandit
His beard full of crumbs
Fingers covered in frosting
And at that moment I knew
I'd have coal in my stocking

And I straight up said it

Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies
Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies
Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies
Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies
I know they look good and you just want to taste one
Put the cookie down step away from the plate bruh
Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies
Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies

Then with a twinkle in his eye he said

I think you had me mistaken for somebody else
These were left out for me Or else they'd go stale
A compliments to the cook They are very delicious
I'm so glad calories don't count on Christmas

But I cut them off there Pulled them over towards the chimney
Said you need to go And you better start listening
We ain't bout that Santa life Didn't you see the nativity
We don't need no Tim Allen Tripping out here bickering
My wife made those for me Not to fool the kids
These cookies ain't for No little Saint Nick
Get back up on the roof With the click, click, click
Or I'll show you where to stick That Christmas list

Well, then he left
And I was kinda still in a state of shock And feeling guilty for my tone
But anyway I guess the moral of the story is

Those are my Those are my
Christmas cookies
Those are my
Those are my Christmas cookies Those are my
Those are my Christmas cookies Those are my
Those are my Christmas cookies
I know they look good
And you just wanna taste one
Put the cookie down
Step away from the plate, bruh
Those are my
Those are my Christmas cookies
Those are my
Those are my Christmas cookies

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