13 Reasons Why I Became A Maoist

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From far and wide, the farmers try
To grow their crops under pale blue sky
And when rains fail and crops die
Coast tells them learn Java runtime
'Vote them out' I learned in school
The other colour they say words true
I still pay taxes either way
And my cattle are dead at the end of the day
We need a leader, someone with charm
A man or woman with unwavering calm
To form a vanguard of those on the dole
Who'll abolish self checkout at Woolies and Coles
And finally put a stop to Halloween
We gotta start a new culture that's pure and clean
So get Kevin Bloody Wilson back on the stage
It's the Cultural revolution done the Australian way
The great brown land, stained by time
A melting pot of cultural slime
Import low culture from the world
Celebrate mediocity and call it a pearl
When faced with hubris laugh it off
Meet critiques with snark and scoffs
About the world stage just never listen
Mask the fear with alcoholism
If you do well in school we'll cut you down
Know a second language? We'll make you frown
Have a new idea? Don't rock the boat
Better to be a stone than try to float
And when it falls apart well 'she'll be right'
Ain't my problem I'm just livin' my life
I got the house two kids and a Commodore
Maybe get a second job if you're too damn poor
Roll up roll up, boys and girls of the Australian proletariat
Our Great Cultural Revolution is finally upon us
Soundtracked by Tame Impala and heralded by Clive Palmer
Embody the simulacra of unrefined capital
As you kids who never worked a day in your life finally get the opportunity
To walk seventeen miles in the snow every morning to get to school
And learn about our fearless leader Kevin Rudd
Who at least had the decency to learn Mandarin
Mao himself said a revolution ain't a dinner party
Which is good for me, because I wouldn't be caught dead in Toorak
I'm much more of a VB and Parma kind of guy
And under my new republic we could all drink and drive with no impunity
And it's the romance of it all that brought me here
All those times I said I'd string up Canberra on Facebook finally coming true
Yes, I look forward to my long march through the Simpson Desert, where the cops won't find me
I was prepared for 22 years of hard revolutionary Yakka and,
Then I saw that's it's tax time, and Flight Centre's got a return deal to Bali
Maybe we'll put off the People's Republic Of Australia for one more year...

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