ambivalence (looksmaxxing in my casket)

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Starlena

9:13

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I'm tired, and my limbs are heavy shaky hands, and steps unsteady
Can I explain myself, only if you let me
I'm not one to cry for help
Just waiting for another blessing to fall into my lap
It's oscillating, circles from my past they circle back, and follow me
Like the killer in the dark
The one I slaughtered when I was 19 in the park
Four years later I gawk at skaters, crystal girls
I can't help, I'm a hater
I bring the wine and the trauma as party favors

Love is confusing, the struggle and the bruising
Has crushed my lungs, screaming inducing
Constant confusion, shrouded by delusion
Nothing good ever lasts
I'll always live a fable It hides that I'm unstable
I would have patience with you If I was willing and able
But I'm addicted to art
The proposition of a fresh start
For Christ's sake, I live in a basement I'm no stranger to a shot in the dark
But there's no time stamp on a new beginning
So for now, I'll twiddle my thumbs here waiting

And everything changes everything changes
And everything changes
Ambivalence and displacement
Everything changes everything changes
Everything changes
Ambivalence and displacement

And everything burns and bleeds it's the passage of time
A growing growing seed
Disturbia Oh, who can I believe?
The streetlights are flashing the streetlights are flashing
And every ounce of my love has reached its limit
This is between me and God
Ambivalence

We are all submissive to change
Tie me up in velvet ropes as I work myself to the grave
And when the curtain falls at the end of the play I'll look pretty in my casket
Rate my dead body five out of five
Cemented online, certified fantastic
We are all submissive to change
Tie me up in velvet ropes as I work myself to the grave
And when the curtain falls at the end of the play I'll look pretty in my casket
Rate my dead body five out of five
Cemented online, certified fantastic

Ambivalence, everything changes
Ambivalence, nameless and faceless
Ambivalence, tasteless and graceless
Ambivalence, another day wasted
Ambivalence, everything changes
Ambivalence, vain and flirtatious
Ambivalence, insane and audacious
Ambivalence, another day wasted

And all this wasted time has hit my head
I fell upon the bedroom floor before you I bled
What a blur it was and it wasn't worth it
A moment of worship has thrown me to shit
And I mistook a few idiots for angels
Months and months of scars from several strangers
The body keeps the score, and it's adding up
What a waste of time trying to love
Oh, praise be, Lord Jesus, praise be
How I love change and change loves me

Change loves me, change loves me
Change loves me, change loves me, bitch
And it hurts, and I like it
Call me demented, call me a masochist
I love change, is it realistic?
Or am I just bored with my old delusions
Maybe my dreamland is my secret power
I'll channel change for good in my final hour

I love change and change loves me and we're a happy family
And I love change and change loves me and there's a world for us to see
I change my hair
I change my vibe
I change my Tinder bio seventeen times
I change my mind I don't love you, you were just too good to be true
I love being worshipped, I must admit I'm a dumbass bitch words don't mean shit
And I love change and change loves me
Don't you see I'm happy?
And I love change and change loves me I gotta be tied up to feel free
Where does this trauma stem? I don't know
A change happens in my soul

I wake up, and no one's there
To console me or brush my hair
And the demons scoff at me they gawk and stare
At a bitch killed by overconfidence
Ambivalence
Change will leave me dead
But there's a kind smile at the bed that extends their hand
Am I seeing things?
Change, do you love me

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