The Part Of Me That Wants You

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Grady Fortier

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Staring at my two left feet
Drowning in this Tennessee heat
I swore I saw you down the street
My Mama swears I'm going crazy

Whiskey through my rotting teeth
Incomplete apologies
Every rhyme scheme playing on repeat
Mama's right I'm going crazy

You and me
We were never meant to be
Could you ever be
Something more than someone who hurt me

Part of me wants to believe that you could someday listen
That you could brave the conditions of my own ambitions
Put a Goddamn smile on your face
And be kind to my mom and my sister for a change
Part of me wants to surrender to your silent army
Lay my armor down and be the first to mutter, "sorry"
Part of me wants to go back to you
But the other part wants to kill the part of me that wants you

I can smell you in my bluest jeans
I can feel you in my lucid dreams
Like a wishbone in your fine cuisine
Do you wish for me (do you wish for me baby)
I can barely even breathe
Does it kill you like it kills me (it kills me)
Say it's histrionic make believe
But, I won't let you call me crazy

You and me
We were never meant to be
Could you ever be
Something more than someone who hurt me

Part of me wants to believe that you could treat me different
That you could learn to be cognizant of your inhibitions
That you could be a better man someday
But I was stupid to think you could care enough to change
Part of me wants to believe that you had good intentions
But somewhere deep in the haze you lost your own reflection
Part of me wants to go back to you
But the other part wants to kill the part of me that wants you

It's 2 AM
And I'm crying in my car again
I should be with my friends
But I'm thinking 'bout you again
And it kills me to know
That you're out there somewhere smiling
You get to laugh with your friends
Write stupid songs with your band just thriving
I hate the way they look at you
No-one knows like I do
Baby, if they only
I know they would hate you too
I hate the way you come around
And toss and turn me upside down
Hate the way you'll never feel
The feelings that I feel right now
I hate this hurt
But part of me wants you so much worse
And I know it won't work
But part of me wants to surrender

Part of wants to believe you and your so-called "virtues"
Lay my faith back in the man I always hoped was in you
Put a Goddamn smile on my face
And be strong enough to stick around and help you to change
Part of me won't let go of that gray September
I can't seem to put out your burning embers
Part of me wants to go back to you
But the other part wants to kill the part of me that wants

To fix you, to hold you like your father never has
To show you just how to make the moment last
But I can't make you brand new
No, I can't save you
I won't surrender now (I'm headed for the door)
I'm not a child anymore (not like I was before)
I will always hate you and
The part of me that wants you

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