Lord Knows

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Kaylup

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Okay who's your favorite h-hero?
My favorite hero is my dad
Isn't that wonderful
Yeah
Twenty ten were some of my worst days
I was lookin for somebody's love
When you need it bad but don't see it in the home
That's a mission that somebody does
Because it feels right
I know I'm not the only one
Because I know I'm not the only son
I know I'm not the only one
Who lost a father before they became a product of a trap
I've been more than once
But anyway
Back to 2010, I started learning from too many friends
Cheap thrills make you high, make you low
Make you cool, make you numb
Anything to make you feel again
I wanted bad a love that I never had that I should've known from the gate
I would've known if you were around
I know my dad would've told me not to rush, but he didn't so I couldn't wait
Instead I start fooling around
Now I'm vexed with symphonies from my exes
Lost and perplexed, epiphanies from the next
Folly in my step, heavy hearted in regret
Trying to fill a void with cheap sex
Instead of deep breaths
I decompress with a few things, a few things that nobody knows
I've been struggling with mood swings, I do things that should be exposed
I send a text to my boo thang and tell her I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be alone
She know how to pull a few strings that make a lost child feel home
What song
The song that we had before
This is my dad right here, taking a picture
Um, um m-my brother wants to talk
You're on Kaylup
I was eight years old when you passed, now it's 2018
Fast forward five years from the past and I still do the same thing
I'm still the same lost child from before
Different strokes in a new form
I'm still trapped here in this cold world trying to find a way to keep warm
Double shots get slurry in my coke
Troubled thoughts get blurry when I smoke
I might cope until I can't see the weeds
Fake high until I'm down on my knees
I learned the worst bad habits in my teens
I never thought I would identify with a fiend
I pray to God that somebody intervenes
Before I fill the void by any means
I don't doubt it I know my vision is clouded
I never think about it I'm probably better without it
But I'm holding onto it like a lover holds a seat
Telling all my lost dreams to my lover overseas
Because I know she understands me
I know she feel the vibe
She satisfy a young crave like candy
She only come around when I get paid
But she help me through the day so I treat her like family
I'm focused on the wrong things
Life had purpose and magic, but now it's like a bad dream
I've been feeling like it passed me up
Lord Knows that I've had enough
God bring me home

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