Whirlpool

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MayaBee

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The sun is green and nothing's real
The taste and touch of cold wet steel
No outlet, just a broken wheel
The axle snapped, it doesn't heal

I'll take a pill or maybe two
I'll fix these tears you ripped right through
There's shrapnel in my veins
Please take me far away

Let my heart regenerate
No outlet for this inward hate
You've been so cruel, now it's done
I'll build the bricks back one by one

Fences, passcodes, concrete tiles
Count to four, it takes a while
Rushing water tears through membrane
This soapy ocean that drives me insane

Dive into the autoclave
And cleanse my broken soul away
Let mildew die in antiseptic
Treatment and viral infection

Scrubbing faster, not enough
You wipe it down, you get back up
I tell myself "you're not your thoughts"
But ultimately that is all

I'll ever be, I'm just a brain
With thoughts that never seem to end
A whirlpool going deeper
Pushing, pulling, twisting me in

Ways I never knew I could
In ways I knew I never should
This body wasn't built for this
And now what's left but emptiness

I'm doing better, or I'm trying
Spend some days soaring, others crying
I'll talk about it, tell myself
"One day you'll make it somewhere else

But now the world is still so young
And everyone is having fun
Too much time spent without day
Has made the colors fade away

But you can look again and find them
You can make it through the blindness
Watercolor, bleeding through
Remember all the lively hues"

A life exists beneath the shadow
A spaceship flyby over Glasgow
A metaphor that I stole or borrowed
Washes out the helpless sorrow

Tape the axle, fix the wheel,
Take the help so we can heal
Finally begin to feel
Despite my thoughts that I am real

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