Goliath

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Sol Hardy

4:19

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Some days I throw my hands up and see a miracle
Light-years in the making
But most days I look down at them and say worthless
Some days I feel like I have to count my blessings through a telescope
But most days I count them like sheep 
Like I'm just trying to fall asleep
And then when I wake
Each one of my sheets weighs in at 
At least 50 pounds a piece 
And I'm trapped underneath 
While my insecurities turn to termites and gnaw at the edges of my dreams
But that is not me
I want to live so badly I'm willing to die doing it
But I will not be my undoing 
Because this was not my choice
And I've heard it said 
The sun will rise
And we will try again

I guess this is me trying to be someone 
I guess this is me trying to believe in something
I don't know what it is but I know that it's big
Half of the time it's like 
I'm a stone clenched in its fist
The other half feels like I've got the reins slung around my wrist
Now, either way I'll see my reflection in that giant's smile
His burning iris
Look
My life is a den of circling lions
I'm just trying not to get swallowed by the pride
But most days I can't get a grip on my vices
That's why I'm walking around
Biting the idea of a bullet waking up the silence 
Inside, I'm shaking at the thought but 
Outside I'm making sure I look solid
Like this isn't all just love and we're not all just falling into it
God
Why do I give a shit 
Why not
What am I accomplishing
What do you want
To be the greatest
To write my fate and let it be taken by something greater 
If not now then later
As if later isn't now and now isn't greater
Than lions and tigers and haters
Fakers and game players 
Love makers and broken prayers
Now I see that they're all the same as me

And I'm no different than I once was
And I'm no different than I will be
Because this has always been
And this is me
Because one day
As the sun falls 
So will we

Yeah, some days I feel like a realist
Some days I feel psychotic, ecstatic
Lucky as footless rabbit
Some days I'm running in circles from lions running so much faster 
Some days
I feel like a forest fire getting fucked by a flood
Yeah, some days I'm a flood
Some days I feel on top of the bottom of the world 
Some days I feel like I should 
And I know 
That I am no different than I once was
And I once was loved 
And I once was breath
I once was blood 
And I know 
That I am no different than I will be
And I will be great 
And so will we
And I will be alive 
And so will we as that sun dies 
So will we 
And as it rises 
So will we 
Because this has always been
And this is you 
And this is me
Because this has always been
And this is real
And so are we

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