Proper Cup of Coffee

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Ana Gasteyer

Ana Kristina Gasteyer (born May 4, 1967) is an American actress best known for her time as a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1996 to 2002. She has since starred in such sitcoms as ABC's Suburgatory, Netflix's Lady Dynamite, and TBS's People of Earth. more »

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A Sultan sat on his Oriental mat
In his harem, High Street, Persia (Persia)
He took a sip of coffee, just a drip
And he said to his servant, Kersia (Kersia)

Oh, curse ya, curse ya, Kersia! (Damn!)
It's the awfullest coffee in Persia!

Oh, what I want is a proper cuppa coffee
Made from a proper copper coffee pot
I might be off my dot
But I want a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper pot
Iron coffee pots (and tin coffee pots)
They're no good to me
If I can't have a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper coffee pot, I'll throw you in the sea!

(In ol' Baghdad, in ol' Baghdad, in ol' Baghdad)
In ol' Baghdad, in ol' Baghdad
Very often I have had
Cups of coffee by the dozen (Twelve!)
And you all should
Make my coffee just as good
And without this blasted cussin'!"" (Rats!)

Oh, curse ya, curse ya, Kersia! (Crud!)
It's the awfullest coffee in Persia!""

Oh, what I want is a proper cuppa coffee
Made from a proper copper coffee pot
I might be off my dot
But I wanna proper cuppa coffee from a proper coffee pot
Iron coffee pots (and tin coffee pots)
They're no good to me
If I can't have a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper coffee pot, I'll have a cuppa tea

MAN, spoken
Balls.

Sound of phone ringing.

OPERATOR, spoken
Murray Hill 3311, how may I direct your call?

ANA, spoken
I need you to direct me to the police! I was just served coffee in a tin pot!

OPERATOR, spoken
Stay calm, Madam! I'll send an officer right away, don't do anything rash!

MAN, spoken
I thought you liked fresh-brewed coffee?

ANA, spoken
I SAID A PROPER CUP OF COFFEE!

Sounds of rapid gunfire.

ANA, spoken
Sorry, the doctor says caffeine makes me tense

(sung)
Oh, curse ya, curse ya, curse ya (Balls!)
It's the awfullest coffee in Persia!

Oh, what I want is a proper cuppa coffee
Made from a proper copper coffee pot
I might be off my dot
But I wanna proper cuppa coffee from a proper coffee pot
Iron coffee pots (and tin coffee pots)
They're no good to me
If I can't have a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper
Coffee pot, I'll have a cuppa tea

(I want a proper cuppa coffee!)
I want a proper cuppa coffee!
(A proper cuppa coffee!)
I want a proper cuppa coffee!

I'm a little percolator, short and stout
When I get all percolated pour me out
1-2-3-4!

All I want is a proper cuppa coffee
Made from a proper copper coffee pot
I might be off my nut
But I wanna proper cuppa coffee from a proper coffee pot
Iron coffee pots and tin coffee pots
They're no good to me
If I can't have a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper
Coffee pot, I'll have a cuppa tea

If I can't have a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper
Coffee pot, I'll have a cuppa tea

If I can't have a proper cuppa coffee from a proper copper
Coffee pot, I will have a scotch

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