Quarantine Blues

Steve PoltzSteve Poltz 

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Steve Poltz

Steve Poltz (born February 19, 1960) is a Canadian-born American singer-songwriter and guitarist based in San Diego, California. He is a founding member of the indie-rock band The Rugburns and is best known for co-writing the #2 Jewel song "You Were Meant for Me". He appeared in the video, and has worked with Jewel on many occasions, such as tours, her platinum and diamond albums, and singles. more »

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One, two, a one two three

I baked a hundred loaves of bread 
I Fell down on my head 
I vacuumed till I sweated 
Ate food that I regretted 
I've sat near the fire
Wearin' questionable attire 
I made new incision 
To improve my circumcision 
Ah yeah 
 
My hair's unruly 
And I learned to make tabbouleh 
I've felt kinda groovy 
I watched every single movie 
You know I been depressed 
I never even got dressed 
I was feelin full of pity
So I joined a subcommittee
Uh huh
 
I learned the word abrogation
Tried to find a new vocation 
Searched a whole skyscraper 
Tryin' to steal some toilet paper
Made a bong out of a peach 
Learned to brush my teeth with bleach 
I prayed for a vaccine 
I learned about hydroxychloroquine
Yeah 
 
I was sittin' on the toilet 
Tryin' to get some unemployment 
And stayed in the bathroom 
For a meeting on zoom 
Forgot I wasn't wearing pants 
I did a little dance 
I was jiggling Down below
And everybody got a free show 
 
I wore my sleeve on my heart 
I found a new body part 
I learned about Zinc sulphate 
And how to meditate 
I was naked in a cape 
I tried to do some manscape 
I lost a little bit of blood 
But I still felt like a stud 
Ah huh 
 
I high fived a little kid 
I thought I got Covid 
Listened to Jerry Garcia 
Made my own tortillas 
Found a new cake mix 
I checked my body for ticks 
Got run over by a bus 
And a tornado almost killed us 
Ah yeah 
 
I became unemployed 
Started getting paranoid 
I was eating a burrito 
And got bit by a mosquito 
Grew a garden full of cheer 
I got cauliflower ear
I read all of Macbeth
And I learned how to cook meth 
Yeah 
 
I drew my curtains shut 
I was actin' like a nut
Started growin' out my stubble 
I been livin' in a bubble 
Everything was unbearable 
I started feeling terrible 
Thought I should buy a gun 
Instead I got a man bun 
 
I gotta get some social distance 
To help with my existence
Need some logical assistance 
To a path of least resistance 
I'm feeling undesirous
No one wants to hire us 
I learned every song by Miley Cyrus 
All about coronavirus 
 
I'm a midnight lurker 
I'm a least essential worker 
You don't even have to ask 
I'll use my undies for a mask 
You know I understands 
I gotta wash my hands 
I might have worms 
But I don't have demon sperms
 
I got stimulus check 
But I feel like a wreck
I've become a decent cook
I read every single book 
I might blast off 
But I cover my cough 
My pants are gettin' baggy
And I'm lookin kinda shaggy 
Uh huh
 
Well, I'm the king of innuendo 
I can make a big crescendo
You know I'd cut my hair 
But I just don't care 
Maybe I should join the navy
Give myself a shavy
Accidentally got a Covid kiss
I think I need an exorcist 
Help 
 
I don't really wanna butt in 
But I'm feelin like a shut in 
I been sweating in my body
And I'm feelin kinda snotty 
I need a nurse I suppose 
To shove a Q-Tip up my nose 
I'm gettin' kinda grouchy
I'm in love with Dr. Fauci
Uh huh
 
I guess that I could steal a tank 
Or maybe go and rob a bank
And get my arteries harden 
Until I get a pardon
I don't need to wear shoes 
I guess I'll hit snooze 
I was born to lose 
I got the quarantine blues

Yeah

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