The Golden Fountain

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Jack Stafford

John E. "Jack" Stafford (1879 – May 19, 1946) was a professional baseball umpire. Stafford, who was born in Portland, New Brunswick (now Saint John), Canada, in 1879, umpired a single game in the National League in 1906, and then umpired 131 games in the American League in 1907. He issued five ejections during his career, including future Hall of Fame inductee Sam Crawford in May 1907.Stafford reportedly lost his major league umpiring job following a disagreement with Philadelphia Athletics manager Connie Mack. Stafford was directed to stop umpiring in September 1907 by American League president Ban Johnson, days after umpiring a four-game series between Philadelphia and Boston. Stafford's position was taken by former umpire (and former player) Tom Brown for … more »

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Throughout the ages men have fought against mortality
Sought the elixir of life for vitality 
Famous alchemists have tried to formulate it
Great adventurers set sail to locate it
Only to discover
That the source that they sought
Was very much closer to home
Than they I known

The mythical... Golden Fountain
The elixical fountain of youth
Brings out the beauty within
Can you handle the truth?

Take a sip from... the Golden Fountain
Wash your hair and your skin
Your whole body will glow
Cleansing and moisturising
                 
You have the secret now you have to keep it
Can't tell nobody cos nobody will believe it
They'll call you names and whisper from the shadows
Strangers'll phone you and ask you onto chat shows

Your family name
Will become a byword for shame
And they taunt you again and again

That's the price of the...... Golden Fountain
The elixical fountain of youth
Brings out the beauty within
Can you handle the truth?

Take a sip from... the Golden Fountain
Wash your hair and your skin
Your whole body will glow
Cleansing and moisturising

It will miraculously heal your wounds
Cure allergies and decongest you

Boost immunity and protect from a virus
Help with diabetes and even arthritis 

The inexaustable...... Golden Fountain
The elixical fountain of youth
Brings out the beauty within
Can you handle the truth?

Take a sip from... the Golden Fountain
Wash your hair and  your skin
Your whole body will glow
Cleansing and moisturising

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