Tiana

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Eldeeyen

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Dear Mom
Wish I was a better son
But we both got shity cards from day one
You with your health and my with my father john
I didn't want this to be a sad song
But you understand where i'm coming from
Mom i miss you so much
It's like a fucking crutch
It's like im a henchman
But actually i'm a frenchman
Like a henchman
It's like a coming of age
And now paige is dating saige
I write these words on a page
Hoping to lay em on stage 
Like rage in cage
Paid minimum wage
I know you hate John 
But consider him a pawn 
On the front lawn
Of life
Now he's got a new wife
Three new children 
So I gotta be buildin' 
Some trust with him 
So I can meet my two brothers and my sister 
Emotional blister
From you being gone 
From the day you died
Riley went to hide 
Even if he lied 
You would always take his side over mine 
And its intertwined but it's fine 
To ride the fine line 
He was your oldest son 
Felt like he was your favourite son 
But I can't blame you none 
I was a shitty son 
But now I got nowhere to run 
And glad you're the one
I came from 
From being a baby 
Then acting like a big baby
But, I wish riley would realize 
That our mother would want him to be a better brother 
But I'll talk about that one time or another 
The goddamn horror 
Of being only thirty fo'ur 
And being found lifeless on the flo'or
I know your looking down proud 
But as I think aloud
I know I'm allowed 
To feel a bit pissed 
That you can't witness
You're two boys achieve greatness 
Or see Des at christmas
Why couldn't you save yourself
All the pills on your shelf
Contributed to your shitty health
I just tell myself
Luke you can't blame yourself
But Mom! 
You left me without a mom 
Your always in my heart 
But it fucking tears my apart 
That you can't be a part 
Of my fucking future
If I have children 
They grow up with a grandma 
Or a grandpa 
I demand a sign Ma
So many fucking people loved you and you didn't know it 
Maybe we did not show it
In a good enough fashion 
All these emotions are just crashing in my head 
And when i'm crashing in my bed
I wish it was my instead
I had so many things to say 
So I stuck them in a verse to lay
And now I'm sayin' t'em today
I put all this anguish on the english language 
Because I can't manage 
All these feelings to my advantage so instead I reimagine
I planted lilies for you, and now each year they grow
So it will always show
The beautiful flower
That was at Rye's wedding shower 
All of your internal power Moved to us 
So you give us
Enough strength to lift a bus 
You were like a fine wine
Getting better over time 
And your beauty would shine 
Through the room 
You didn't like wine 
I know 
But to each their own
Right
Ma its funny
I still have that stuffed bunny 
You bought with your own money 
It was meant for charlie
But that lab was like marlee
'Cus she had no interest in it, hardly 
I'm thinking of patching him up 
Before the garbage snatches him up 
Elijah died at 18 mom 
So now you're reunited with um 
On day me and rye will join you in the sky 
Chris and lynda too god we miss you 
It's true 
It'll go by slow
Cause I got years to go 
Before i'm at the end of the road 
When i'm feeling low 
Your my ray of hope
And I hope 
This message reaches you 
So if it does reach
Rest in peace 
And please know 
That I always have 
And always will
Love you to the bottom of my fucking heart

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