Defining Love

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September Barker

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Maybe the love I had for you was more than just a crush
Maybe I was in such a rush to call it a crush because I loved you so much
But
I think because you're a girl my mind immediately assumed that 
I was into you but now I'm just confused coz I still love you but I don't really like you
And see my love grew and grew and grew
And I get sad 'cause I know that you knew
But the question now stands: was there anything to know?
No

More and more I think about the possibilities that I'm not straight
Maybe I'm gay
Maybe I'm somewhere in between
Maybe I'm just a teen
Maybe it's all part of the experience 
Feeling sexually delirious
I don't know
All I know is that I don't like you anymore
I never did
I loved you
And I still do
But I killed you
With my sad songs that filled you
With the shitty feeling of not loving someone back
But the crack in my heart wasn't caused by a lack of mutual attraction
It happened coz I loved you more than my heart could hold
And I'm sorry I thought differently
I'm sorry

You know it's funny in my first song I interpreted you wrong
But little did I know had myself wrong too
I was just picking up signs that said that I liked you, but I didn't
Like for example
I smiled when I saw your eyes under the night's sky 
The lights glimmering had me shivering just at the sight
I never had to lie or be shy coz you're lovely
You made me feel accepted and valid because you're lovely
Walking down the hallways I always knew that 
I could talk to you
About sadness and badness and music
We talked about music
See all these things still happen but I've had a new development
My interpretations were irrelevant
I can't tell you what it is 'cause I still don't know
But I'll love you for the hell of it 

And I hope you find happiness
With someone that you love, who loves you back
I hope you find happiness

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