Talking Jack Kevorkian Blues

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Dave Solo

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Well I woke up late this morning and I looked into the mirror
And what I saw there filled me with an unreasoning fear
My cheery disposition just had vanished to the South
I was down around the eyes and ears as well as in the mouth
And checking my reflection it was absolutely clear
Something uglier than usual was happening right here

Well I'd never been accused of being much between the ears
But what I saw that morning had me blinking back the tears
I knew that there was no way I could leave my little room
So I waited there for change until the early afternoon
And then I just accepted it, I became quite serene 
It was the worst attack of acne that I think I've ever seen

Well I called my Mom and Dad and my expensive lawyer, too
I left a message asking who exactly I could sue
My momma wasn't talking, she was being quite obscure
She was laughing hard or crying, I was never really sure
My lawyer called and said she knew a doctor, but was loathe
To tell me what his name was 'cause I couldn't afford them both

Well a doctor's what is needed, said my daddy with a smile
And if he doesn't fix you up, we'll put that dude on trial!
But how're we gonna find one who's not in it for the fame?
That shouldn't be a problem, I said, these guys are all the same
And picking up a phone book I prayed I wouldn't get a dorky one 
I stuck my finger in it and came up with one named Jack Kevorkian

Well I dialed up his number so I could arrange a time
But first I had to listen to a message on the line
The music, it was soothing and some pretty lady's voice
Came on to tell me I was making a courageous choice
And whether I was suffering from pain or just confusion
Doctor Jack would have my back and bring my problems to conclusion

Then the Doc came on the line and in a voice that I could trust
Explained his office was an old VW Microbus
He'd roll on by to pick me up about 8:17
Whereupon he'd hook me up to his patented machine
At the appointed time he drove up and I jumped into the van
He started sticking needles in my arms and in my hands

When he finished doing that he started grinning like a goblin
He said You push that button, boy, your face won't be a problem!
And as I was reaching out he said I don't blame you a bit
And on your death certificate I'll enter 'Killed by Zits'
Whatchoo talking death? I said, you Hippocratic chump!
I thought that that was medicine to take away my lumps

I can see you're one of those, he said, who can't make up your mind
But fortunately, I have lots of practice with your kind
Your life can't be worth living, I can tell as your physician
So I brought along remote control to help with your decision!
Well I knocked it from his hand, and we were rolling on the floor
When just the 43 police came bustin' through the door

Well I never was so glad to see a cop, I must confess
Until I learned that they were agents of the IRS
They didn't like the way I took my tax return and shot it
So they were there to treat me to a good old fashioned audit
They were disappointed by the way I disregard instructions
So right away they disallowed my charitable deductions

I went over to the guy in charge and tried to interrupt
I wanted him to meet that Doctor lurking in the truck
But Doctor Death had lost control, he had me in his sights
So I just took off running and he chased me through the night
I've been running ever since, with death and taxes in the chase
But all I ever think about's these pimples on my face

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