Blessed Assurance?

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Calvary Dominique

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This is my story, this is my song praising my savior all the day long
This is my story this is my song praising my savior all the day long...

All these scary thoughts pounding into my head now
breathing's not enough, praying's not enough, nature sounds' not enough
Fear calls your bluff!
You're never gonna fall asleep, are you? you're never gonna fall asleep, are you? 
You're never gonna fall asleep, are you? 
Stop trying to be alive, my young fool!
Fear holds your heart right now!
You're never gonna amount to anything, are you?
Heartbeat louder than these kick drums, feeling like a kid with no thumbs 
Trying to go into that basement, nope!
Trying to find a way to erase this, jokes!
'Cause my terror has hit the pavement, and no matter how I try to make myself faceless
I know the grave can hit on any occasion! (On any occasion)
Now, these sounds getting louder, now! Now, these sounds getting louder!
I hear the monster coming up the stairs!
He's gunning for my heart now!
He's tryna tear me apart now!
Can't you hear the solemn beat of my heart?
Can't you hear the cries of my heart?
I know they say I'm worth it, but I don't feel worth it, I feel worthless!
Forget about being purchased, can't even feel alive in this service
All this ish just makes me nervous
Maybe I should go and take a hit now, maybe being cool will give me a hit now
God forgive me for being a bit down now
It's as if Mickey Mouse and Sponge Bob and Bugs Bunny just walked in here with an AK
And said, "Hands up my guy this is a freaking payday
For thinking we were too innocent to gun you down with an AK
For thinking that we are as kind as we supposedly were in our hay day"
So somebody say, "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!"
Cause all this flesh does is torches and scorches all of my emotions 
On porches on which I used to sit hopeful
Who can I trust, heart turned to dust, I'm not enough, I'm not enough!
They say you see my motivations down to the bone, please help me cause I am all alone
Everyone else sees me as a role model but I know I'm not really grown
Your eyes pierce my skin, you see all my sin
Flipping through these pages tryna make them my Adderall, but do I feel your love... no, not at all
I don't feel anything, just that I'm descending into a hellish plane where numbness is unending
Come on dude, take that back! Nah, I said what I said
Feels like I'm back in first grade still thinking pencils are lead
Like I'm back in second grade, like I'm back in kindergarten
And I'm going out of order cause I am retrograde
Pretending I'm as cool as pink lemonade, like I'm alive, no wait, I am dead
Still be harping on the words that you said, like you would stay here and be something
Like these memories would mean something
And it wouldn't shatter like everything else in this cruel wreck of a world
We were supposed to remain legends together and conquer it all
But my God, what the hell happened I should treat friendships like they are rations
Take them in short bursts without any passion
Be uninterested, I mean disinterested, I mean oh what the hell with this grammar
I could never get it, I be trying but I stammer
I just be sitting in this prison tryna learn how to be living
Tryna meet this pain with thanksgiving, but the time for that is over
Trying to cling to the words written in red
But the words in black are louder, they are pounding into my head
Keep waiting for Zeus's lightning bolt to strike me dead
And I know you bled, and I should be fed
'Cause your mercies are endless, but they all leave me on read
But we fetishize this like, what a guy, here's seven trophies, HI-FIVE!
I see him fighting his demons, I see him showing these kids Jesus
He's a role model and right now we need this 
But how can I show you anything when I can't even sort my own head out
When I don't want to get out of this bed now, call me NF cause I'm such a letdown 
I'm not cut from the right cloth, I'm the wrong cloth personified
Like my oh my, I'm just a royal screwup
I might as well say to hell with it, might as well chuck these deuces
I try not to sin but I keep going through it
My dry bones have no more oxygen in them, I'm a dead man walking, Jon Bell-ion
Feeling like a waste of space, but now all I hear is

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood
Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blessed
Watching and waiting, looking above
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long
Death could not hold You, You are victorious
Praise to the risen King
Death could not hold You, You are victorious
Praise to the risen King
Oh what a Savior, Oh what a Savior, my god
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood?

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