Trembling

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AJ Koza

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(Got some shit I probably shouldn't say
That's the shit you gotta say though, right?)

Hey
I'm tryna find discipline, while surrounded by fallacy
All I see is grey, my scale is so off balance, see
Before I thought I'm far from being grounded
That's when I started questioning my surroundings
These findings been bittersweet
But I've been plotting, tryna find a way to eat on my own
But I'ma miss my mom's pasta sauce on Sunday
Dad living with so much fear, I really hope he let go one day
Cameras on the house, watching from the phone
That's the illusion of control (ay)
My little sister might be a spawn for Satan
But she a Gemini, so half the time she be the one I'm praising (ay)
Can't even think about how Ski felt inside
All the times I made her cry, far away in the garden state
Left her all alone, stormed out
She was so far from home
Baby, please forgive me
God, please forgive me, I know I got some sins
That's why at night these demons visit where I'm living in
I'm 'bout to lose it, but for now I'm still in control
God save my soul

I'm tryna find discipline, maybe I should stop looking
Can barely bring myself to read a book
And I can't stop bringing myself down, and I can't stop smoking
The high supposed to bring me up, what the f*ck (ay)
Might as well stop asking, 'cause I ain't getting answers
Might as well delete my number, 'cause I never answer
Might as well get an IV, I'm barely eating
Might as well bury me in my bed, I'm never leaving
And honestly, I don't even have a good reason
My delusions getting stronger, starting to believe 'em
Everybody out to get me, why should I believe 'em?
I'ma get it on my own, stop
'Cause when I see 'em, I know I need 'em
Getting so detached, need to reconnect
If I keep waiting, ain't gonna be nobody left (yo)

And I'm still afraid to die
But God willing, all I ask is to get by with enough time to do what I gotta do
And if I get that, I know I'll have the power to strive for more
This woman that I adore deserves the world
And I just wanna share my share of life with her
So we can raise a family and push forward with our purpose
I know I'm capable, but that don't mean I ain't still nervous

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