Another Day Another Worry

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Anarchophy

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I see others breeze through life in a way which seems so alien to me 
Unburdened by the weight of their days darkened by anxiety 
Never knowing what it's like to not feel normal in a crowd 
Undisturbed by nagging voices planting concerns oh-so-loud 
It's like a war is going on but the only soldier fighting's me 
And no-one else who shares my flag can even see there is an enemy 
The main collateral damage is my day-to-day sanity 
"The price, we think, ain't worth it", says a grimly smiling Secretary 
"This war will be a long war and we cannot see an end in sight
It may well be that in your life a day won't pass free from this fight" 

Another day, another worry 
I'm not recovering in a hurry 
They say it takes time but I'm having doubts 
How much time before my time runs out? 

When I was a kid they used to say I was the serious one 
Always picking problems where the other kids were having fun 
Get these ideas in my head that I just couldn't seem to shake 
But I learnt early that a smile was a thing people liked it if I faked
Familiar feelings of a heart crank-speeding in my chest 
Constricted throat, no breath, my hands and face encased in sweat 
I'd look around for help but knew no help I'd ever get 
External weapons could make no contact with this internal threat 
And so I learned to cope by learning that I probably never would
And that the sort of life which others had was something that I never could 
Yeah, I would never never know a day that would be footloose and fancy-free 
I would never know a day I would be free from my anxiety 

Another day, another worry 
I'm not recovering in a hurry 
They say it takes time but I'm having doubts 
How much time before my time runs out? 

I suppose at this point we should start talking about meds 
The use of chemicals to put right problems in our heads 
The kind you get from doctors and the kinds they cannot give 
The drugs that ease the pressure and restore the will to live 
Except I never took a thing, and I probably never will 
Not that I have anything against those who try to get help from a pill 
It's just a code I arbitrarily imposed - maybe once there was a reason but now who the hell knows? 
That I wouldn't put those poisons in my veins or up my nose 
Couldn't see a reason to add addiction to my growing list of woes 
Some tell me I'm straightedge because I'm scared of losing grip
Others tell me that I seek control and a life I can predict 
Me, I think it has to do with drunken people being dicks 
But it could be emetophobia and my fear of being sick? 
Most likely its my dad and all the harm I saw it do 
But it's also got to do with what is false and what is true 
Because I could achieve synthetically the state I'm looking for 
But to get better authentically would mean a whole lot more 

Another day, another worry 
I'm not recovering in a hurry 
They say it takes time but I'm having doubts 
How much time before my time runs out? 

Did I bring it on myself or is it in genetic code? 
Was it the way they brought me up or did I do it on my own? 
Always fearing for the worst and seeing clouds in silver linings 
Seeing everything will fall apart with a clarity that's blinding 
Thinking about those origins - the problem in another form 
Anxiety about anxiety: was it made or was it born? 
The fact is, it doesn't matter how it came but that it's here 
And I'm sick of every day filled with a litany of fear 
But the alternative is worse so I dig in and persevere 
Because although I'm terrified I'm still glad that I am still here 
Cuz I refuse to be held prisoner by some voices in my head 
And I'll perform my prison break each day I rise up from my bed 
I'm not convinced I have discovered yet the key to set me free 
But I keep picking at the lock to escape each day's anxiety 
And I feel good about my chances as the battle rages on 
And I will conquer every day until my last tomorrow's come

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