Proof
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My name up in lights And in the Los Angeles Times Sold out Standing room only shows Everyone telling me I'm on my way... To where I really don't know Managing a 23-bed men's Alcohol and drug recovery house Where the owner told me I needed to call the guys on their shit I didn't smell any shit So I told him I couldn't do it And that I was fine if he didn't want me Working there anymore But he kept me on And even tried to entice me away Asked me to name my price To not return to school At the end of the summer And my boyfriend Was a musician With a high libido Like mine had been Until it fell off a cliff Cuddling was fine For me But not for him He always wanted to get it out And get it on And get it in And me not wanting to Became such a problem for him That I offered to go to couples counselling And bought books on gay male intimacy Which he agreed to read But then he never did Why don't you just go to couples counselling yourself He finally told me As if our problem Was my problem And maybe it was I certainly couldn't prove it wasn't But I wasn't about to go to couples counselling Without him So we broke up And then had break-up sex And then had break-up sex Again And then I started back to school Writing and writing As if I was a writer With somewhere I was going With somewhere I wanted to go I was going home And getting on the phone Calling a gay hook up line And hooking up And hooking up And hooking up Until I hooked up With a guy Who lived a 2-hour drive away And who didn't have a car And was full of self-pity Because he was in the country Illegally He had a job Making dough At a pizza joint Under the table After having graduated From high school With straight A's And his mom was dying Several inhospitable Borderlines away He was giving money to Immigration lawyers Who seemed to be Just stringing him along And I loaned him money So he could give them more And then I tried to break up with him And he exploded So I recanted Only to break up with him again A year later For the same reason Because he was depressed And just wanted to watch TV And wanted me to watch with him So when I drove two hours to get him I felt like I was in jail Stuck in Spanish-language Tele-novella hell And I wanted to criticize him Tell him to get off his ass And live I'd offered to move back to his country With him Life is an adventure I'd said But he'd seen too many of his sisters Raped in his home country by militia men I guess I guess It made sense He didn't want to go back to his home country It made sense He just wanted to watch TV But it wasn't very fair of me, I thought To sit around him Holding my tongue Wishing he Wishing the whole world Was different Wishing I could just marry him And fix everything The way I thought he might want it Or at least the way I thought he might want it better But I couldn't Besides, I told myself, maybe this Is all just a dream And nothing is What it may seem Maybe God or some higher power is in charge And there's a master plan I couldn't prove there wasn't And it was a lot more pleasant To think that there was As he left a dozen crying messages a day And at least as many emails And now and then he took the bus Leaving early in the morning To arrive unannounced After seven bus transfers He thought I'd have to talk to him After he went to all that trouble And I did But only while I was Driving him home
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"Proof Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/3870751/TestTubeBaby/Proof>.
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