12/22/18

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440morningstar

2:55

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As I look to the past let it teach me like math
Let it show me where I'm at 
Let it show me how I'm doing
As I look to the present 
I remember, stay present
Always worried bout my presence 
Always worried bout my essence
As I look to the future
Life's a drug and I abuse her
I'm a mover
I'm a user
Always thinking how to act
Am I wack?
Do I lack?
Pat myself on the back
Know It's gonna get better
So I write myself this letter

Uh, what's gonna get better than this?
I'm living in hell man where's the heaven in this?
I been way too distant from my family, shit 
Been raised by the music so I haven't felt shit 
Always plugged in
Never feeling nothing 
Only hear the songs and the tunes 
And the beats in my room
Only know, only know, only know one thing 
This a dream and I know it's gon be hard to make it real 
That's the thing 
I been sacrificing all my family time
For my friends and my girl 
Even though they stay my world
And the flows and my songs 
I admit it, I was wrong 
It's a hard time 
Barely working part time 
Barely paying for my phone 
I been feeling so alone 
Needing more money for a microphone 
Needing more money for myself and my girl and my health 
That's a problem cause I don't 
Want my mental to rely on no material wealth 

Sometimes it's hard to stay motivated enough to do this shit. 
Cause I get so lost in my head and depressed 
To the point where I have no motivation to do anything
Even music. 
And it's scary because music is what motivates me 
But how can I motivate myself to do the one thing that motivates me? 
It's a fucking paradox a swear

As I look to the past let it teach me like math
Let it show me where I'm at 
Let it show me how I'm doing
As I look to the present 
I remember, stay present
Always worried bout my presence 
Always worried bout my essence
As I look to the future
Life's a drug and I abuse her
I'm a mover
I'm a user
Always thinking how to act
Am I wack?
Do I lack?
Pat myself on the back
Know It's gonna get better
So I write myself this letter

Yeah, what's gonna get better than this? 
I'm living like a zombie where's the treasure in this?
I been trapped in my mind 
Closed doors shut blinds 
It's been dark in my heart 
But I can't restart
So I write a little, run a little, lift a little 
Then it's right back to the pain
Gotta spill a little 
Open up the vein 
No these aint no fucking games 
This some real life shit 
And I'm sorry to my family if you're fucking hearing this 
But I just can't take it 
I know I been patient 
Everytime we have a problem we always change it 
I love each and every one of you to the grave   
But this stress is gonna make me go insane 
Want a bullet in my brain 
Then I stop 
And I think 
This just isn't what I need
I need you 
You need me 
So I'm living for you 
And y'all are living for me 
And I'm loving for you
And y'all are loving for me, yeah

Oh I want y'all to know this, yeah
Y'all need to know that I'm broken 
I been feeling so hopeless, yeah
I could go at any moment

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