The Choice

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Tom Swifty

A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed. Tom Swifties may be considered a type of wellerism. The standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called "Tom" (or "he" or "she"). more »

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Once in a distant land, a whispering man passed on a tale 
To the next man, to the next woman, to the next child without fail 
And now I pass it on to you in the hopes to teach, or to 
Enrich your soul, or entertain you at least 

Once there was a criminal who, as criminals often do 
Committed a crime and was placed before a magistrate in judgment true 
Upon proclaiming him guilty in a rich and booming voice 
The magistrate offered the criminal the following choice 
Behind this door, he said, pointing, lies that of which you're unsure 
In my other hand I hold the rope I'll use to hang you and make you pure 
To be absolved of your crime, I offer you this simple rhyme 
And I hope you have the wisdom to choose, or maybe you will in time 

The criminal was given a day in which to ponder what choice to make 
And he was wise enough to know that you can't eat it first and then have your cake 
The decision he'd make was binding, there was no chance of rewinding 
And if he chose the door, he thought, the magistrate wouldn't decline to bring 
Terrors worse than death from behind it, and he'd surely find it 
Worse for having perceived the contract's outcome when he signed it 
In the morning the criminal was sobbing when the magistrate called him 
And asked him what choice he'd made about the fate that would befall him 
The criminal was terrified of the door because he was so sure 
That behind it lay 700 or more different kinds of torture 
The images of which he'd conceived the night before left him with no hope 
So with tears in his eyes he resigned himself to his fate and chose the rope 
The magistrate laughed and said: In all my years of magistrating 
Everyone has always chosen the rope with little debating 
And now I'll tell you the punchline since you soon will be dead 
The door leads to freedom, but everyone's so afraid of the unknown 
They choose death instead

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