Addie Waits

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The Clusterfuck Theory

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Let’s pull the plug on this machine
Douse all our shit in kerosene
Swear off our hedonistic ways
Then strike a match and watch it blaze
Relocate into the unknown
So when we owe our student loans
The debt collector only finds
This empty house we left behind
This is my future waxed poetic
(for what it’s worth)
This is a life I’ll never lead
(and I want more)
You say you second the aesthetic
But I fear it’s hollow
And if I leave no one will follow
These days are shrouded by defeat
And consciousness is bittersweet
Survival’s a tough weight to bear
Sometimes it’s hard to even care
But we’ll push on through fleeting years
Holding our fingers to our ears
Block out self-doubt and questioning
Dude, what’s the point in anything?
Thing is, we’re all in this together
(f*ck this place)
The same old existential shtick
(won’t erase)
What left our bodies worn and weathered
Annihilation
Is just a small step from creation
Though it negates the things I feel
It’s seeming likely nothing’s real
Stop fussing over the long term
By then we’ll all be food for worms
No human contact for a week
All aspirations looking bleak
Phone calls from friends that I’ll ignore
Can’t tell who I am anymore
Was that just earlier today?
Those good times seem so far away
It takes mere moments to regress
Into the same pathetic mess
Well we can all play pretend
Still convinced that this won’t end
But brute truths remain
Everyone leaves you eventually
I’d savor each passing moment
If I had only known
You never meant for them to last
Now every day I complete
Is 19 hours repeated
Filled with the same cheap pleasures
In vain aim to feel better
But things aren’t as bad
As they were in dreams I’ve had
The scarce nights I’ve slept since November
Most were cut short by waking
Sweating through sheets and shaking
Struggling to hold on
To passions forever gone
And though this venture’s no use
It comes at the same value
As any in the grand scheme of all things
So on these walks with Addison
I hope she knows that
That one day I’ll come back again

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