The Winker's Song (Misprint)

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Ivor Biggun

Robert "Doc" Cox (born 1 July 1946), also known as Ivor Biggun, is a British musician and former television journalist. He is known for his appearances on the BBC TV programme That's Life! from 1982 to 1992 and for four albums of humorous, smutty songs. Currently resident in Suffolk, he is active in several pub bands, including the Trembling Wheelbarrows. more »

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My mother said that I never should
Play with the naughty, rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understand
And that's why I fell in love with my right hand

And that's why...
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pud'

I was twenty-five years old before I was kissed
And then I found that I preferred a swift one off the wrist
It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD
It's available at any time and it's absolutely free

And that's why...
'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pud'

Oh Mrs. Palm and your five lovely daughters
Thank you for having me and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is growing shorter
My knees have turned to water and I think I'm going blind

I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even had a wank in a train
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat
An inflatable Linda Lovelace and a Davy Crockett hat

And that's why...
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pud'

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters
Thank you for having me and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is getting shorter
My knees have turned to water and I think I'm going blind

He's a wanker, he's a wanker
And it does him good like it bloody well should
He's a wanker, he's a wanker
And he's always pulling his pud'

 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer