The Winker's Paradise (Misprint)

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Ivor Biggun

Robert "Doc" Cox (born 1 July 1946), also known as Ivor Biggun, is a British musician and former television journalist. He is known for his appearances on the BBC TV programme That's Life! from 1982 to 1992 and for four albums of humorous, smutty songs. Currently resident in Suffolk, he is active in several pub bands, including the Trembling Wheelbarrows. more »

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I dreamed I was on an island
In the South Pacific sea
With ten thousand seagulls, ten million coconuts
Twelve nymphomaniacs and me
I've got eight gramophone records
I've fixed myself up nice
A million miles from a Monday morning
In a wanker's paradise

A knotted hanky on my head
I sat and took my ease
With a sausage roll and a one-handed magazine
Under the jam-butty trees
When a lifeboat full of schoolgirls
Came serenely floating by
They said with a grin "May we join you in
Your wanker's paradise?"

I led them dancing from the sea
By the waters we sat down
With a brass-band softly on the breeze
By a lake of Newcastle Brown

It was the clattering clock that woke me
And from my dream I rose
But in my hand was a coconut
And sand was between my toes
Oh, the next time I dream of Shangri-La
You won't have to ask me twice
Next time I go I'm stopping
In a wanker's paradise

I'm going to hang around like a fart in a Volkswagen
In a wanker's paradise
I'm gonna hang on in like Gunga Din
In a wanker's paradise

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