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Nick Johnson

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QUESTION:
Prime Minister, at a time when our economy is fighting to stay afloat, families are struggling to put food on the table, and benefits have been reduced to as little as £80 per week, how do you defend giving ministers a pay rise?

PM:
Well, yes, I must say, it’s a terrific question to be asking, and it’s one that of course I am very happy to answer. Now, I understand that a lot of people are struggling, whether it’s financially, emotionally, or perhaps any other reason; if they’re, you know, struggling, it’s not good. But what I say to you is pay rises are important to keep people motivated, and a little pay rise is always good. And in terms of food on the table, well, that’s an important one because everybody has to eat. Eating food is an important part of life, and if we eat more and stay alert, we will defeat covid-19.

QUESTION:
Incompatible trade deals for the manufacturing industry and unsustainable profits are resulting in companies being forced to move abroad, and we’re looking at job losses across the country, with thousands more at risk: isn’t it about time the government admits this isn’t working and makes a U-turn on its policy?

PM:
Ah, yes, trade and the manufacturing industry, and, you know, these big companies are making a lot of money. What I think we need to focus on here is that the European Union are not giving us a fair deal, and it is my job and it’s really important, actually, that I do this; I need to make sure we get a fair trade deal. As for jobs and companies not offering enough jobs, I think the companies have to look very hard at what they’re doing, and reflect and think, how do I make more money, how do I produce more services? Of course, that’s by employing people. So I say to you, the employers directly, don’t let people go! Give them a job!


QUESTION:
It’s been widely criticised that loopholes in our taxation system continue to enable multimillion-pound companies to pay very little tax. Yet the government cutting free school meals in light of budget deficits is difficult for many to stomach. When is the government going to stop being so lenient and ensure that companies are held fairly to account?

PM:
OK, so, a couple of points on this question. The great work that has been done to enable the free school meals to come back – so let’s just say well done to all the people who are supporting with that. And clearly it’s difficult for families at the moment: there’s a lot of people not in work who need free school meals to be able to provide for their families, and we are doing all we can, all we can, to ensure we provide that for the great people and our country.

QUESTION:
Hi, I own a small takeaway and have been hit with extremely high business rates. In the current climate I am not sure how long I can continue to operate. Is there going to be any change to business rates in the next budget?

PM:
Look, I thank you for your question, and it’s an important one at the moment. There are plenty of small businesses serving our community and feeding the great people of this nation, feeding the NHS, feeding all of the people who are hard at work. But anyway, your restaurant in particular, a small Chinese restaurant, I am sure you probably do a terrific duck pancake roll, and I’m sure it’s delicious and ethically sourced and not to the detriment of the environment, and if it’s not then we will help you sort that out, and make sure that we have an economic buffet of opportunity for all that are involved, and of course we want your business to succeed.

QUESTION:
We’re seeing policy documents leaked to the press by your own party members on a regular basis. How can we trust you, if you cannae trust each other?

PM:
Well, yes, I must say, it’s a terrific question to be asking, and it’s one that of course I am very happy to answer. In terms of information that is being leaked out to the press, that is a concern, and there needs to be a really thorough investigation into why this is happening, and it’s really important to understand who is the mole.


[ENDS]

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