Scrutiny

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Quinlan

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My dark days are filled with sunshine, no rain
I aint givin no lifeline, all pain
Maybe it's my time insane
Are these thoughts all mine
My brain
Is overthinking again
All the way to back then
So I listen to when
I couldn't pick up a pen or a book
I was shook
I wasn't, motivated
But I waited for so long
Only to get more frustrated
And agitated
I never celebrated
I wasn't animated
And no-one cared
No-one shared
No-one spared
And I was too scared
To have it repaired
So I carried on day-by-day
I couldn't let anyone notice
I knew that I had to focus
On my work like a clerk
Cause that's the only sign that I'm not fine
I'd never felt this way before
I don't want to anymore
I aint got no social life
Or caring wife
Just strife in the form of a knife
Where to now
Next no one checks on me
That's cool
At school I'm bored ignored
Okay
No-one gives a shit
Maybe you should quit maybe just admit
That you're a bit sad mad felling bad
Cause honestly, you're corny cringe
And binge in your emotions
I'm just going through the motions
I aint got no notions
Or potions
To fix what's broken
I know I haven't spoken
And it's a token
Of this depression
And my expression
Hasn't changed
But I'm deranged
And maybe if you knew me better, you'd know that I aint a trend setter
At best I could write a letter
Explain the draining
Of my soul
Man, I threw all these fake smiles
For all these juveniles
Everything that used to make me happy doesn't anymore
Damn I coulda swore that the one teacher that I told
Was so cold
It just slipped out my mouth
I felt stripped it went south
Thought I was talking bought bad grades
Not that I was afraid
Or outweighed
By this cascade
I need aid
Tried to persuade
Me of something, I already knew
I could pursue anything I put my mind to
So, I guess it was some motivation
In my deflation
But it caused frustration
But I know I was grateful
I would been hateful
If he knew how I felt like there was a belt
Around my neck
And it was just getting tighter and tighter
As I'm feelin lighter and lighter
There are always better times, no there aint
You know that I'm readin all the signs as I faint
I don't know how I can pick myself up again
I'm in the lion's den I said a prayer but after I said that amen
I don't know how I was feelin
There even a reason to pray
Stop, you're committing treason. Okay
Can I just say
That maybe if I did it everyday
I might just feel another way about religion
And my indecision
Might have more in vision than before
But I still do not know what is in store for me
But what's clear to see is
I'm in agony
Your marks don't make you, sure
But they make other people's perceptions
If you start slipping, they think there's deception
Without a question
It's misconception
Of your circumstance but they take a chance
And a certain stance
After a curtain glance
I've tried to confide
But no-one replied
To guide
I lied and denied
I cried and it was the pride
I'm so tired and uninspired
All admired and desired has expired
So, what remains
Are my pains
And the blood flowing through my veins
But with my brains
I can sustain any hurricane

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