My Cheeks Are Decreasing in Size

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ColdmaN5

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I wake up in a bar
No idea how I got there
Sitting next to three guys
I've never met in my life
They don't seem to notice
As I join in their replies
But something facial feels weird
Something feels smaller and light
Look in the mirror and gasp
My cheeks are decreasing in size

No I know this can't be right
They were much fuller this morning
Maybe it's just this light
Maybe it's just a warning
That I've had one drink too many
Maybe it's just my sight
'Cause that fat chick in the corner
The one I swore I'd never touch
Is starting to look tempting
A little bit but not that much

Small cheeks ain't gonna stop me
So I order another Bud Light
By now that fat chick and me
Are exchanging constant eyes
Keep that booze a-coming 'tender
It's still early in the night
And my cheeks are still to big
Gonna drink 'em to a smaller size

'Bout now is when I realize
Fat chick wasn't a chick at all
But rather the head of a mountain lion
Stuffed and mounted on the wall
Now I'm out of prospects
And it's about time for last call
Gotta get just one last drink
Look at my cheeks, whoa that's small

In an act of desperation
I go and hit the dancefloor
In a fact of precipitation
The Earth recycles it for more
Try to bust more grooves than I got
While others just try to ignore me
But it proves all for naught
'Cause everyone's just ignoring me

I finally decide to call it a night
And I say goodbye to my new friends
Whistle for a cab in mid-flight
And drunkenly stoop to new lows
That's when the driver looks in the mirror
And gasps, too horrified to speak
"Oh my God" he starts to say
"What on Earth happened to your cheeks"
Sure enough I got my wish
It was just as I anticipated
I looked in the mirror and smiled
My cheeks had evaporated
I made a mental note
To keep it in my head
Then I paid the driver 12 schillings
And disappeared into the wind

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