Guinness Draught of World Records

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ColdmaN5

3:50

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Yo, I'm about to be layin' down these
Phat trax up in here
That's phat with a ph
D in nursery
Rhymes all the time I rhyme
Without rhyme or a reason
Don't matter the season
April June spring or fall
Don't matter one bit at all
If I slip and fall
You feel me
You better not or you're too close
So back yourself up or down
Whichever's farther away from me
See
It's with your eyes you catch the prize
The prize of the Guinness Draught of World Records
Yeah records so
Spin me a record on the phonograph
Call me on my telephonograph
Look at that draught
In a glass so big I swear I could swim in it

Yeah amber glow smooth rich flow
How they gonna pour it
I'm game I'm all for it
Yeah so whip out your record books
And read between the lines the fine
Print that is
Just when you think you got a deal
The fine print takes it away
Puts you back in your place
I search high and low
Even with a magnifying glass
Searching for the fine print
On this huge Guinness draught
There is no catch
It's one-hundred percent tall alcohol
Now I've got to find a way in
A way I'm infiltratin'
If I break the glass it'll be a beer tsunami
Better known as a brewnami
Something I'd like to avoid
Like the plague like the plague
I'd like to avoid it don't be so vague
Just bring me some rope maybe some soap
And I will find my way in
Where there's a will there's a weigh in
Station I'm not playing
You catch my drift
I'm about to catch a draught
Go ahead and laugh it won't be so funny
When I'm drinking it buddy
I need a hook and a ladder
But mostly the latter
But I've never seen one that tall
And what if I fall
There is no safety harness
That fall sure ain't harmless
Could break a glass right in two
Or a bowl could break one of those too

I've got to be careful stealthy and quiet
One false step could start a riot
Tip-toeing closer and closer
No one's paying any attention
I throw my rope-hook
It attaches to the top
Now I lift myself up
Hey you there on that large Guinness Draught
This is the police get off of that
Oh crap I've been spotted gotta get down
But how how will I get down
I'd take a hostage but no one's around
Just me and his draught and an army of cops
Flashing their badge I don't like these odds
But I've made it this far so I keep climbing
And I keep rhyming
Halt or we will shoot the cops shout
And I shout back
Then you'll have a brewnami on your hands
No one gets it except me and maybe Stephanie
I reach the ledge limbs intact
Look over the edge chaos below
Cops and copters and the media all gather so
I've only got one option
No it ain't adoption
To everyone's surprise I take a dive
Into the draught
Headfirst the worst
Oh Lord I love alcohol
I think as I sink
By the time the authorities enter the drink
It's too late I'm drunk as hell

Oh yeah and I'm dead too

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