Hello (It Isn't Me You're Looking For)

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Modern Sonder

4:23

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Felt so alive when I was 17 then 
Overnight was 23 and falling
With this apathetic attitude and 
Over-eager aptitude for stalling
All so suddenly I realised I'd 
Built myself a life 
Less-than-enthralling
And somewhere way off 
In the distance 
I was sure I heard somebody calling
Calling

Don't be a, don't be afraid
It's not too, it's not too late

It's so damn hard to break routines 
When your survival was the 
Reason that you'd made them 
See the years have not been 
Kind to me, so honestly 
I think I'm almost broken
I cut my wrist by accident 
When washing out the bottles 
From the weekend
Then I just watched in wonder 
As my body knew just 
How to make the skin mend, mend

The pain is, the pain is real
But you can, but you can heal

See when you're told that 
You're special
You can laugh through the lies
Then when you come to see 
You're not 
It's like all of your energy just dies
And I appreciate you asking but 
I'm not chasing anymore
Thanks for checking in but 
It's not me you're looking for

When I cannot make my mind up 
All I wanna do is 
Find a hole to sink through
Or I just sit with my self-pity 
Then indulge in things 
I'd rather not admit to
Even admitting that I'm 
Non-committal 
Seems a little too much to commit to 
Do you ever feel there's 
Something big 
Around the corner 
Waiting to come hit you? 
'Cos I do

I always do

I never dreamed I'd be a martyr
But I offered myself up
God knows what I was thinking 
But the self-nomination's stuck
So now I'm watching 
With my eyes closed
And bracing for the crash 
I'll share everything I have with you
Though no-one ever asked

And as the close of day washed away 
A little of the shame 
This life was bringing
I started to remind myself 
It seemed like everyone but me 
Was winning
Then through the silence in my mind 
I heard the echoes of the 
Songs I should be singing   
And as I stopped to catch my breath 
I almost felt 
The speed the earth was spinning

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