Memories, Pt. 1

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Inspectah VLA

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Memories pester me, making me think less of me
Baking too long, bottom layer's all wrong
Old me long gone, distort it, to go on
Love I missed that a ton, Fear was how I used to run
Was running so much but the race hadn't begun
Fear hadn't spoke, fear hadn't used its gun
Pointed at the sky because it doesn't want us rise
Figure of our imaginations but so real inside our minds

Time to get into the story, story that plagues me
Toxic relationship, that's that's what I was raised in
Arguments all the time had to learn how to cave in
In my shell, shell until they rained the shells in
Still the worse day of my life, sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive
Dad got arrested for utter lies, my mum's depression was on the rise
Tension could be cut with a knife, two knives by my bedside
She could've killed us but...

Events like these affect us in mysterious ways
Every day left wondering if I'll ever be okay
Eventually one day the pain has to go away
Even though in my hearts of hearts I know it won't fade

Time brought me to the next phase of the sequence
Finding no pros, only cons, call it consequence
3 AM walking bare footed no ambulance
To the hospital with an eerie ambience
Praying the doctor could help the patient
Different when the patient's your mum, no patience
Feeling powerless again, my mind grew vacant
A week before we were planning a vacation

So she was prescribed with medication
But the playwright in the sky added more devastation
Still a slave to higher powers, like on the plantation
Planted that seed in your mind, for a deeper connection
Cause I was told I can't live with my mum
The woman that raise me
And then I was told I can't live with my dad
The same man that carried me as a baby

Only option from there, social care
Much bigger house but didn't feel at home there
How could I? Every night replaying the nightmare
But kept it hidden externally in my hardware
But internally I ransacked through the memory
Hurt entirely RAM lacked to construe the memory
So unable to access any random memories
Some fable, hard to toe the line, racing with this memory

My sister actually had her 4th birthday at that place
But she would always ask me when we're going home
I'd say pretty soon, lying to her off the dome
Cause what the future held, I didn't know

The future must have heard our calls for help
Because seeing my mum's health, my dad was let out of jail
He fought for our custody, despite going through hell
He won the case and to social care, farewell
Could say life's unfair, but I paid my fare
And like Theseus I made my way out of this dungeon
Moved from East to North-West London
Positive to the memory is that I wasn't abandoned

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