Self Portrait

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Headless Relatives

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The first five beers
Don't absolve my guilt
And although I know the result will be the same
I drink another five
And when I still want to smash my face
Against the wall
I pour a glass of whiskey
Let it burn my throat

But I can't escape
The burning image
Of my fangs
Dripping with blood and saliva
When I close my eyes
The vision just gets clearer
And the alcohol
Refuses to blur the details

I am a beast
I am a monster

I am drunk now
But I call you on the phone
Because I am looking
For absolution
But I can't tell you
What it is I've done
And you can't forgive
What you don't know about

I get down on my knees
And I try to pray
But my mouth won't form words
To a god I don't believe in anymore
So I call you again
Blubbering
I am slurring all my words
But it wouldn't matter anyway

I am a beast
I am a monster

And my guilt
Refuses to be vocalized
And you're the last person on earth
That I would want to know about it

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