To: Dad?
Afraid.Of.Oli
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I've grown bare in the last years, months, days I was my ma's boy, now I'm man of the house, it's insane Man try chat to me about uni, worried 'bout their grades (F*ck your grades) I'm putting bills to my bills, tryna maintain while I'm in a daze Putting a face on the table, tryna save face That's why I don't waste P's on the next craze When he gets paid, Oli does paying for the food 'cos a meal ain't the same as a graze Dippin' out the front, put the pause on grace (Buying drugs is a waste) I pick up my weed, of course I gotta get waved F*ck a Porsche, f*ck a Wraith I gotta get away Tryna get fans but right now I can barely get a wave Thrifts instead of the high street chains That's what you do when you're too far from a raise (Uhhh retail job? minimum wage? sign me away!) Name tag slave I should have a cup, could you spare me some change I'm in the back garden chuckin' round this rake In tears 'cos I might as well shovel, make me a grave I want our bellies full, regardless of what's sittin' in the bank I want us to do better than our Dad Better than what we were left with, that's a fact But you know what's mad? I just hugged the tears out of her in the loft 'cos clearly my touch weren't too soft Clearly putting my foot down as big boss? Too tough 'Cos she said she was upset 'cos she hid a penalty fine from me 'Cos she was worried 'bout what I'd say if I'd find any She was in tears 'cos hidin' bad things is something you do From bad people due to roots of a fear Worried 'bout a mood meaning tongue in her ear 'Cos a badman who don't act right, gets rude when he hears her plight And it don't matter how many times, it always ends up in a fight And if he finds this shit he might his wife So she Google's the warning signs Sees eleven characteristics in him an abuser has, online Now she feels her time is so near It's over no matter if the matter is mere Whether its BS or sincerely sincere She grabs her son, let's leave him mirror view rear That's the sign of a woman, scared of domestic abuse Scarred from my Dad's issues Now I guess I've officially filled his shoes All those times you said I was like him, I called bullshit but I guess you knew 'Cos now you step around me on tip toes on each foot I thought I'd matured but become a monster's what happened as I grew I hate myself so much I'd leave so she ain't have to go through that If it weren't for the fact that that's the exact thing my Dad would do, facts (Facts, facts, facts) Dad-less, broke and mad A London boy and that I cut myself shaving, scratch Another man took me to my first match I taught myself every other manly thing too, thanks Dad And don't get it fucked up I ain't pissed about the job that you did I'm pissed about the one that you didn't 'Cos figuring out life's a tough enough mission But doing it one player mode's like gettin' Gold from the piss that you're pissin' Surfing on a lake where the water's missin' Are you sad now? That's the fiddles Grown since little This shit raw like 6ix9ine, rainbow, skittles (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) I never know how to, control my anger It's like i'm doing this, no hands or No handles Can't hold me back i'm a Ghost I'm a Phantom When I'm pissed off, I'm a ranter And the shit I say is real, no fandom So you can't brush it off as banter It's always facts, never random (Yeah) Bet it's night in Turkey Bet it's nice in Turkey Broke so my Nike's still dirty Took it too literally when they said don't stare at the sun with your eyes I guess all those emails were to say that "I miss you, sorry I never said bye" So I sat by Tryna live my life, a lie Tryna figure out why you'd hide Or at least try, thoughts run through my mind But I wake up every day and you're not here And we stay in touch but "well done" in text is a silent cheer Isn't that weird? Can't put a voice to your words to my ears After all, it's been at least ten fucking years
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"To: Dad? Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 9 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/4840686/Afraid.Of.Oli/To%3A+Dad%3F>.
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