Tulip Water

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Through Flames

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The countryside in me was lonely and idealistic 
Abandoned rollercoasters stretching out for miles
Empty barns and high horses
Hearses towing (Broke-down) hearses and smart hurt(s)
Verses vs verses in gun font
Numb blunted off dull stunted sullen presumptions

The things i'm told to fear:
Sex 
Men 
Disease
Having no job
Bleaching my hair
Not birthing before my body is dry
God
Sickness
Death 
Jealousy
War
Pride
Cars on the road
Aloneness 
Toxic overdosing
Holes in my head
Violent acts
Strangers
Addiction
Alternative religion
Alleyways
Identity theft
Loss of my parents
Low income housing
Loss of things of value
Nursing homes
Cesarian section
Walking around with a diamond on
Self serving behavior
Talking too loud 
Being in a big crowd
Getting abducted
Getting arrested
Getting caught outside too late
Sudden loss of faith
Speaking against the state
Debt 
Loans
Authority 
Drones
Not making enough
Psychosis
Infection
Hurting my reputation
Growing too old
Burning the house down

Mercury 
Tectonic subduction
Ingestion of poison
Carbon monoxide poison
Polyvinyl chloride poison
Liver failure
Becoming a burden 
Forgetting your family
Forgetting the stove's on
Burning the house down

Assume was uniform, rehearsal was for real
Prop sawed off applause gun
Phantom sadness, i feel it even when it's not there
The mess we've made, and the broom to sweep us off our feet
Sterile get-up, hygienic slap, bash-ful futility belt, saggy breathe   
I attempt to let my hog-tied tongue catch the buffet of words 
Always running out of an open field 
And into a thicket of open arms and upturned spoons 
Like a tight forest is dark before dusk 
Like a meal in a covered plate
I wait 
For the woods that sit along the edge of our game like coaches and players
To call me in or throw me out

I folded this letter into a paper airplane
A brick from a building, a window made of bottle glass 
A spitball on fire, a siren to slow down head traffic and echo on through the streets
The blood was red tape, shit shovel and formal workboot
The sewer in me was ball room and lonely

We feel these things and are born by them
These stories we tell ourselves
Are all the same
Floating above body
Grasping the edge of reason
Reaching for the shadow
We know we fear this moment

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