Ode to You

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Silhouette the Poet

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My mind is on the run 
Life is mundane no more fun
It's downright monotonous 
Bcuz you're no longer here with us
I got pieces of you flowing through my body
Missing fragments of you make 
My heartbeat slowly
Your effervescent smile 
Seeps into my visions while i sleep
I find myself daydreaming of you constantly
The death of you is sucking the life outta me
You birthed 8 children 7 boys and me
I was your only girl child
You raised 6 males by yourself 
And never threw in the towel
You and my brothers 
Called me your little princess
I didn't realize then what you meant 
When you said your were blessed
And we were heaven sent
You did a great job raising all of us 
Without a father present
Even though at times you had to discipline us 
When were disobedient 
And displayed resistance 
Raised in section 8 apartments
Regardless you made the best of it
You deserve everything in the blissful skies 
You are a stellar in my eyes
Ode to you moms for what's owed to you
Bcuz this homage is overdue 
You helped see us through
Ode to you for all that you've done
You birthed 8 children
Not forgetting lonnie 
Who's in resting in heaven
Your 6th son out of seven
You sacrificed all of you so we can be who 
We are and do what we do
Ode to you for what's owed to you

These are my mental tirades
And my emotional grenades
Bcuz my days are filled with shade
I'm a timed bomb ready to detonate
And within myself there's a constant debate
Go to church worship with the saints no wait
Stay home and turn td jakes on oh yeah stay
Should i or shouldn't i is this my fate?
I think of death more now today than yesterday
Sometimes in my dreams 
I find myself strolling 
Down the iridescent pathway
Traveling at the speed of light 
To get to paradises highway
But as soon as i get close to the pearly gate
God orders me to go back where i came from 
Saying now is not your time yvonne
Well i'm ready to see your face again mom
But at the same time 
Not ready to leave my children
Drifting alone in the wind
Just some thoughts 
Of a daughter whose soul is dying
Although i know you are reclining 
In god's heavenly lining
These tears i can't stop crying

Selfishness is my greed i'm praying 
And begging on my knees
Constantly lord 
I need her back here with me please 
Thinking only of my fleshly wants 
And not what your spirit needs
If i could just pull my self up 
To some of the sky's clouds
A puff at a time to glimpse into heaven 
To see how you're enjoying life now
Oh how we take for granted then 
What we miss now
Bcuz if it wasn't for you 
I wouldn't be who i am now 
No way no how
Ode to you for what's owed to you
The pulse has been extracted from my heart
The sight of the world without seeing you 
Is tearing me apart
I long for your comforting talks 
Bcuz my heart is troubled
It's been a short while so i continue to struggle
And for now the liquor helps to numb me 
It takes me to another place so i can see and be 
Alone in my mind to fight with me 
My thoughts and my spirituality
The insomnia has gotten worse 
The drinking has become a thirst
A coping mechanism curse 
Carrying a flask filled with vodka in my purse 
Grey goose is my nurse 
The days are tragic but my nights are worse
It wasn't your time it wasn't your time
Keeps playing over and over again in mind
You were exuberant on that sunday
What changed what changed mama
From that day to the morning of monday
Moms you'll never know the pain i feel
You'll never understand how
On the day of your going home celebration
I wanted to kill ill thoughts kept trickling thru
My psyche things were outrageous
Even on the day your were laid to rest
You were being put through the test
Bcuz some were still jealous and envious       
Seeming delighted your were no longer with us
Their actions outlandish
Not recognizing that your were the best

You raised 7 of us all alone
With the odds against you but you kept moving on
And covered us and maintained no one could ever 
Ever understand my pain
Thank you lord for helping me to sustain
Thank you saints for helping me to return 
From where i came
When i was on my way to a point of no return
God god shifted some movement 
In the atmosphere
So the devil lost his chance 
To put me in an urn
Ode to you moms for what's owed to you
Because this homage is overdue 
You helped see us through
Ode to you for all that you've done
You birthed 8 children
Not forgetting lonnie 
Who's in resting in heaven
Your 6th son out of seven
You sacrificed all of you so we can be who 
We are and do what we do
Ode to you for what's owed to you
This is a dedication to my mother 
Dorothy lee epps-anderson
And i miss you so much
Rest in paradise i know it's nice
You get to see your baby boy 
And i know that brings you a lot of joy
Tearstains fill my cheeks daily
But i know you're in a better place right now
Cuz you're with your creator 
And that is so heavenly
I love you and i miss you
I miss you moms i miss you
I feel like i've been flatlined 
Just walking around flatlined

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