Resuscitate Me! (Katie Walters X Ace Ambrose)
Ace Ambrose
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These days I only go out at night I breathe in deep, to feel the cold air sharp in my chest Fear twitching in my fingertips Shake off the stress And I run I run the way you only can with wheels When I close my fists I wrap my knuckles in my wrist braces My palm heels reinforced with steel Head down, shoulders back Downhill For a moment I am weightless. I am infinite At the crest of the hill a fox flashes across the road Bright orange and bold, she is vermin If I were to catch her, I would be legally obliged to kill her Humanely, of course She is searching for food Tracing the echo of the woods that used to grow here She is a bandy-legged wily survivor Ready to tear apart binbags to satiate her hunger She has teeth And she is not afraid to use them These days when I run I'm running from something Shapeless and smelling of formaldehyde I don't know what I fear more, the plague or the doctors But the trick is to never let them catch you Bite whenever someone touches you Snarl whenever they get near Hackles up and ugly We will not be denied, hey We are alive, we are alive We will not be denied, no We are alive, we are alive When I sleep, I dream of being old White haired and wizened My face grown as ancient as my bones My clinical frailty score disqualifies me from ICU admission And I am only twenty two years old On the news they say not to panic The people at risk have underlying conditions And what I hear is that people like me aren't worth panicking for I promise you that death is not an underlying condition A dead cripple is no less dead than anybody else dead Nobody says it out loud, but everyone knows That when doctors choose who to save, they also choose who to not save This is uncontroversial for as long as *you* remain saveable The newspapers will describe these as tough decisions Decisions nobody should ever have to make That we are making anyway And it scares me that all of the dead look the same They call this pragmatics But ICUgenics But when you live as a cripple you learn to breathe in death The line between living and dying is blurred Cause both living and dying are verbs And you can't do the first without barrelling towards the second If it's always at your back, then why not wear it Like a leather jacket, like your torn up jeans Like a middle finger Why not bear every scar as your armour Hospital gowns as battle jackets With our backhands bruised by cannulas And tangled in cheap white bedsheets I have tasted concrete on the backs of my teeth What we know now is nothing other than what we have always known This is the curse we carry under our fingernails It is the truth that we keep clenched in our fists We've heard the words that people think they aren't speaking That our worth is less And our breath reminds you of your death And our bodies are a barely spoken threat We know our place, it is impossible to forget We have always been the lives that you keep hidden in the dark We've been forced into poverty For the sake of austerity Forced out of our houses and Warehoused in care homes Dying of sepsis, from neglected infections We've been sick and scared and uncared for For a hell of a lot longer than this The only difference now is that it's harder to deny That people have stopped feeling embarrassed about it And started asking us to fill out DNRs We will not be denied, hey We are alive, we are alive We will not be denied, no We are alive, we are alive I will tell you right now that I am not going to beg for my life This is not an appeal for sympathy This is a battle cry These words are not for you They are fury and life White knuckled Kicking and screaming My poetry says f*ck you Everything we have has come from blood From anger and pride From dying messy and ugly And crawling tooth and nail up the steps of the capitol building Asking nicely won't get you shit If I am vermin, I will wear that label for as long as it remains true I will not flinch from it I will reserve my worth for people who don't ask for it I will keep my softness for my crippled siblings We will toughen up our outsides to keep our insides gentle When you can't breathe, I will be your lungs I will dig my fingers under my skin Draw blood to lend my strength to you I will remember the faces of my siblings Whose lungs got torn out to free up ventilators Whose breath was fed to Bodies less ugly and flawed and beautiful And I will call this injustice Because f*ck their consensus Because medical ethics aren't written by cripples And my ethics don't accept these preventable deaths as inevitable We are just as worthy of life Ventilate us In all of our fucked up glory All our misshapen, muscle-wasted, migraine-heavy glory With our subluxing hips, misfiring synapses, snapping tendons Ventilate us Unemployed and undesirable, bread line benefit dependents Ventilate us invalids, unfortunates and dissidents Teeth gritting, sharp-tongued, survivors Let us fight, we have been fighting our whole lives Sometimes I feel so sick and so tired and sometimes I want to give up I think maybe I'm not worth fighting for But I have to stay angry or nothing will change Pity won't save lives, but fury might I mourn the dead and fight like hell for the living I will tear open binbags with my teeth to feed my family And will make myself so ugly, that people can't stand to look at me Hackles up, let them look at me anyway I will bite whenever someone touches me Snarl whenever they get near And if they catch me I will die loudly Die publicly, die ugly Die humanely, of course We will not be denied We are alive, we are alive We will not be denied We are alive, we are alive
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"Resuscitate Me! (Katie Walters X Ace Ambrose) Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/4937468/Ace+Ambrose/Resuscitate+Me%21+%28Katie+Walters+X+Ace+Ambrose%29>.
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