Lost and Found

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Jasmine J Walker

3:59

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On the outside looking in I was dying Internally 
But externally learning how to accept your choice
I would search the depths of this earth and 
The galaxy entirely just to hear the sound of your voice
Was there a bond between us when you first looked into my eyes
Or did you see an obstacle in the way that would soon lead to your demise
I wasn't looking for soul ties or anything Just the love of my mother

They say home is where the heart is well 
I Guess I was homeless because you were heartless
I was so focused on hating and hurting you
That I let others do the same
Parental guidance was given but not from 
You so I just wouldn't listen

No effort was made to retrieve
No phone calls, or text messages
Or emails Did I ever receive
There were so many times that I would get 
On a bended knee and plead for you to be there for me

But you weren't there
You know what the crazy thing is
I was told that you loved music
I guess you can say your gift was given to me
Maybe one day the world will be able to hear our symphony

I always liked the idea of you
As a child I dreamt of what it would be like 
To run into your arms for warm embrace
I always wondered what it would be like for 
You to cheer me on the stands because you were so proud of me
For the longest time I couldn't understand
Why you didn't want the same
No one here could heal this hurt because 
This hurt burns deep like the earth's core boiling up inside of me

I was filled with so much rage
It was a deadly venom embedded in my 
Veins and it was caused by your lies and deceit
Do you know what it was like for me
I guess you can say that I was optimistic 
Because I would go to the mailbox every 
Week just to check and see if you left something there for me

For years I couldn't understand how you
Could just walk out leave and abandon your seed
You see I was ready for your guidance 
Because my love was wireless but yours kept getting 
Disconnected like bad services
Life didn't provide an ethernet cord for you so we lost connection
I kept breaking down like an old hooptie on 
The side of the road because I couldn't handle this rejection

Because of your lack of love for me I had 
Become smitten with someone I made my priority 
Even though I wasn't even his option
And for years I stayed because somewhere
In the deep crevices of my mind I fooled Myself into thinking that
By having him by my side defined who I am
Too bad I didn't have you here to tell me that I had a heart of gold
A beautiful soul molded in the mighty hands of the great I am

You know, I didn't come here to ruin your Life with your new wife
I didn't come here to even seek vengeance 
But I came to let you know that I have found a Father in your absence
Someone who loves me unconditionally even beyond my flaws and bad habits
Someone who leads me, guides me, and protects me daily

A father who has promised never to leave Or forsake me as you have done in the past
A father who sees me as a beautiful and precious site
A father who is always proud of me 
Even in my darkest of days
I would love for you to meet him if you haven't already
I came today to tell you that I forgive you
And with my father's help I hope to one day learn to love you

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