Nightmare

ShyLockShyLock 

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ShyLock

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Pop! What was that? There's something in the air
Smells like fear, there's something happening here
I'm just sitting in my room like any other day
Minding my own business and just aiming for 3 rings
Elmsley counts, handstands, and the time in between
Spent jumping in my car every time the phone rings
Nothing comes easy, always busting my ass
And free time's sitting at the desk always honing the craft
Of writing rhymes, spitting lines, working through serious feelings
I'm back to having days worth experiencing
Always bettering myself and tryna lower my stress
It's been just a few months without antidepressants
For the first time in 12 years, it's the time of my life
The most accomplished I've felt since before I dropped grade 9
And then 'pop, what was that?', my life's about to change
In a way, huh, I'll never be the same
I peek around the corner and the first thing I see
My little brother face down, a hood is holding a piece
To his head, you'd think I'd freeze but instead I have to check
The other rooms to make sure that no one is dead
So I keep moving to the kitchen, the next thing I see
My little brother's best friend, hands up, down on his knees
With another crew member with the chrome to his teeth
Dude screaming in his face, 'where the f*ck is he?'
Now I can't see I just stare, I'm seeing spots in the air
Everything's moving in slow motion but no time for fear
Now there's only one objective, my mission is clear
To make sure that we all live to walk outta here
I'm not suicidal, as much as I've claimed to be
I'm not a superhero, as much as I aim to be
And now my only thought is, 'this is cuz of me'
So I called out to the crew and I said 'yo, follow me'
I did it by the book, I was in it for money
I never stole, never lied, I never hurt anybody
The definition of a good guy stuck in a bad scene
Growing up, this is never what I wanted to be
But there I was, pure intentions, waiting for better days
'Til these guys kicked in my front door waving guns in our faces
I support my whole family and they just took my life savings
Then my family just left, my life's been shattered to pieces
The first week after nobody would even speak to me
And after 2 they said 'sorry, we found a place, we're leaving'
By a month my brothers don't answer my calls anymore
After a year my legs still shake when someone knocks at the door
They didn't f*ck up my life for just a few minutes
This is the rest of my life I have to deal with this
And what's worse is that these fuckin' inbreds have no regrets
So now I'm walking a fine line between living and death
Now I have nothing left
My fuckin' life is a mess
My panic's up, I'm popping pills just to handle the stress
Handle the stress? I'm not handling stress
I'm tearing out my hair wondering what I do next
I was just a few months from living off of investments
Now the rest of my life is just a living resentment
Of my life, I was set, I was done, that was it
I was getting out but now I'm still stuck in this shit
And every night before I sleep I play it over again
No matter what I do I just can't get it out of my head
Some nights it shakes me up so much that I wake up in a sweat
And run around an empty house to make sure no one is dead
But I'm alone here again, this shit's still stuck in my head
I was almost passed the point of wishing that I was dead
And now I've lost a piece of me I didn't wanna forget
So now I guess I'll just sit back and wait for the end

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