Cheap Cheap Thrillz

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Grandma Sally

3:27

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Weed whites & wine gas grass or ass
Form over function and style over class
Thrifty & shifty, needy & seedy
But we ain't greedy Steve & Eydie
Just hangover thirsty and heartburn hungry. 
For sticky spaghetti, warm beer and cold coffee
I always make all gone, whether it's mine or another's
They'd leave 'em all half-drunk if I had my druthers
But I guess I gotta go, I hafta leave in half an hour
To cheer the winning team and curse the party in power
Skim the Penny Saver and browse the J.C. Penny's
Don't have to tip on my birthday and get a free meal at Denny's
One with mustard for dinner and one with ketchup for dessert
And let the drips fall where they may on my Hawaiian Island shirt
Then place a chocolate-scented candle in the math room for the miraculous
rote manipulation of brute force calculus
Or happenstance by chance
The Peabody award for outstanding achievement in a pair of pants
And now I'm waiting on the rear-end clearance
A creature of habit and a slave to appearance
In buttons & bows, give 'em a thrill and throw 'em a pose
Got rich on eBay buying designer clothes
But now I can barely keep up with the upkeep
They say the best things in life are cheap
 
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And though I ain't even known her 
She picked a booger and I popped a boner
And now it's numb & number
They snotty in the winter and sweaty in the summer   	
And just like Rite Guard or Dry Idea
I'd hate for someone to get the right idea
Not a lot or a little a jot nor a tittle
Little slap and tickle just for shits and giggles
 
Or the whole kit and kaboodle.
Then if you're a wet blanket you get the wet noodle
A great mood, a lousy attitude and another problem solved 
Could be good for all involved. 
You shouldn't have
You didn't have to do that
You really shouldn't have done that mister
 I don't care who does it I just need it done sister
 Making out with cats and living on rat fucks & monkey shines
 It's society's crime not mine
Let's don't get ahold of ourselves rules were meant to be bent in two
Said bitch three times during the course of our interview
Marital status excellent and I just keep peekin'
At all the underbellies showin' in the strike zone I'm geekin'
Here come the itch I'm twitchin' just like my nose do
Cause I can't quit shniffin' what I just ain't s'posed to
With no budget for grudges doctors lawyers or judges
Well, maybe just a peep
The best things in life are cheap
 
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