Death Then Hell

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Gurldoll

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When I was fourteen, they gave me some pills
It didn't help, kept cutting still
Long sleeves to school, but they still knew
Leave class to cry in the bathroom
When I was fifteen, I was found so bloody
Then she said that she would kill me
Said if I wanted to die, she'd take my life 
So ashamed of me

Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then hell 
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then hell 
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then

When I was sixteen, she wanted to kill me
On that bridge she threatened me
Said she would throw me, throat she held me
Throwing glass while I was hiding 
Then seventeen, hospitalized
Cause I wanted to end my life
My senior year, I lived in fear
Guess you could say they saved my life
Eighteen, I started taking pills
But not the ones that they prescribe 
I don't remember much
But all I know is that it wasn't right 
The people that I was around
They didn't care that I might die
They fed them to me, then they used me
Then they took me on a drive

In the back seat of the car
Found a dark place and then they parked
They took my clothes off, held me down
I couldn't move, started to cry
I ran and ran, I told my friend
Guess what, she said I wanted it
She took me home, I cried alone
Began to question my whole life 

Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then hell 
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then hell 
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then 

I'm twenty three, not doing better
Like I dreamed that I might be
A happy life, a happy home
I guess that's not the life for me
I still have hope, a little faith
I'm feeling loved, I'm feeling safe
But there's still demons in my brain
Five medications every day
Wake up and instantly feel sick
Constantly anxious, life's a bitch
My heart is aching, mind is racing
Life or death, still don't know which

Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then hell 
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then hell 
Death then hell, death then hell
Death then hell, death then

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