The Last Samuel

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Christopher L. Everson

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Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Samuel
Thought it wise that he should plant some trees
Some big tall strong ones to stand forever
To endure throughout the centuries
So he rode out to California
And found the place where the Redwoods grow
He brought some seeds back to Philadelphia
And planted thirteen in one long row

The took great care of those little saplings
Pulling weeds and spraying pesticides
He did the best for them that he knew how to do
All the way until the daa he died
Great Great Great Great Uncle Samuel
Inherited his uncle's farm
And buried him beneath the Redwood trees
Promised they would never come to harm

When they got tall, the neighbors began to complain
Said the trees were blockin' all the light
So Great Great Great Great Uncle Samuel
Burned down their house in a fit of spite
Then he bought the land for a song, they say
At last he got it awful cheap
Then he rode back to California
And came back and planted Redwood seeds

He had kidnapped a man, a long time before
His name was Jim, but they called him Crow
eat him every day and refused to feed him
Until he tended to the Redwood grove
After some time, Jim convinced Sam's family
To help him get away in the night
But Great Great Great Great Uncle Sam
Who'd never worked -- well he could sure damn fight

Well he just about burned all the Redwoods down
Just to keep what he thought he had
To this day there's still a couple cousins who think
His ideas weren't all that bad
Great Great Great Uncle Samuel
Took the farm when his uncle died
And the Redwoods seemed a lot taller now
Somehow, they'd all survived

Just like his uncle before him, a terrible man
A Bad neighbor who would steal and cheat
He paid the judge and the whole damn police department
Scared the neighbors into signin' deeds
Then he kicked 'em all out without a bit of remorse
To let 'em starve and freeze in the street
Then he rode out to California
And came back and planted Redwood seeds

That's about when they dug the irrigation ditch
'Cause the ground was gettin' awful dry
And he paved a path through the Redwood trees
He ran wires and he hung some lights
His oldest friends were makin' easy money
Sellin' limbs off the Redwood trees
But they never paid him a single dime
Blamed it all on the economy

But then they got so rich they tried to take the farm
And everything that he held dear
So Great Great Great Uncle Samuel
Had had enough, and it was time to be clear
He said if you ever wanna set one foot
On this goddamn farm again
You're gonna pay me fairly for what you take
And you're gonna stop callin' me friend

Well Great Great Uncle Samuel
Took the farm when his uncle died
Those fifty Redwoods were barely holdin' on
But at least they were still alive
But then somebody wandered over from across the town
And shot a big hole in one of the trees
So, Great Great Uncle Samuel
Called upon the whole family

Well he said he didn't like startin' fights
But the other guy already had
And that this was only one of two fights
And they were both gonna get real bad
So half went east, and half went west
And they carried all their biggest guns
And everyone lost -- a whole lot of men
But they all agreed that Samuel won

Great Uncle Samuel
Took the farm when his uncle died
And he worked his fingers to the bone
To bring the Redwoods back to life
So the farm then began to prosper
And the children all learned to dance
And they forgot all about the rest of the world
As soon as they had the chance

But Samuel was closely watching
He saw the trees growin' across town
And he kept his guns all polished up
He sent his kids out to chop 'em down
But those trees didn't fall so easily
And the kids didn't see the point
And they all came home confused as hell
And sat down and started rollin' joints

Great Uncle Samuel
He died one lonely night
And Uncle Sam took the farm and the Redwood trees
And the guns and the mineral rights
And so they dug some holes in the Redwood grove
And the trees all began to rot
And Uncle Sam brought some new guns and ammo home
Though the last ones had never been shot

Then Uncle Sam kicked his own kids out in the street
Told 'em it was all their fault
He gave the lumbermen the keys to the Redwood grove
And his rich friends the keys to the vault
Now allow me to introduce myself
Now that the story's done
I stand here, The Last Samuel
And I'm not the only one

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