Kids

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Israel Naor

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Now I remember waking up mom and pops fighting
Daddy say he love me
But why he putting his hands on me
Why these nights turn so ugly
Can't even hug my momma 
Without there being some trauma
My pops would get jealous 
Especially when had that brown liquor
I use to stare in the mirror
My nose bleeding
I spoke when I wasn't posed to be speaking
Momma coming home
Better clean it up quickly
I use to pray one day she would see it
It seemed hopeless 
Got me wondering what's my purpose
Every time he hit me he said I deserved it
Bruise's on my back I guess I earned it
Would cry myself to sleep 
I asked God to protect me
Random nights pop would snatch me out my bed
I was only ten
Wondering if this living was better than death
Cuz outside my home 
I was alone 
Ain't Nobody noticed it
My friends wished their father was there
Funny I never wanted him here
Still to this day
He's the person I fear
Source of my pain and tears
But what's it to the world they could never hear it
Every day I could feel my spirit tearing
Every day my emotions were disappearing
Numb to it all 
Days I couldn't feel it

Days I couldn't feel
Yeah
Days I couldn't feel
Days I couldn't feel
Days I couldn't feel

I hope you get what you paid for
They say you reap what you sow
How come I gotta own it
How come I gotta answer my sister
Why her daddy don't love her no more
Why I gotta come home
Ivana put a whole through the door
Because she scared and PTSD got control
Why I got watch my mother weep
Because for 18 years she sat through this shit
Just to find out you fucked another bitch
You wished on my downfall
Resented me because I highlighted your flaws
My light was bright you tried to dim my star
Tried to kill me that night
I don't know if you ever heard my music 
All the anger in my heart 
I turned into a lyric
And when I make it big
Don't you ask me for shit
Nigga when I see you in public
I'm gonna make you feel pain 
For every day I couldn't
I need you to feel this
Because I can't describe 
What it was like to sleep outside
Or run in hide 
Because your mind is stuck on fight or flight
Or dealing with thoughts of suicide
You try your hardest but you're still defined
But shit that was never yours to decide
I hate you maufucka 
But I still survived

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